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Hate.
It has been said that there is only a paper thin line between love and hate. With me, a person of extremes, hate is the polar opposite of love. Where love inspires creation, hate foments destruction. This entry is about hate birthed by betrayal.
My first ex was/is well-known to my B.S. Physical Therapy batch-mates because she'd be with me most of the time I was at school (i.e. if she doesn't have class she'll sit-in at my classes or just hang around me). She was with me most of the time that even those people who're in the upper & lower batches knew we were a couple. In fairness to my ex, I'd be with her whenever I could because I enjoyed her company (in the beginning up to the middle) and I was too indecisive to go against her wishes (during the end phase of our relationship). Yes, this is the woman who insinuated that she has given birth to my child.
At the time that I learned she might be carrying my child (at approximately the beginning of the last quarter of 2005), as per her ambiguous statements, I have decided to reveal that particular situation to three females of my class, women that I've decided to trust. As it turns out, I've been severely lacking in intelligence & wisdom when I've decided to trust any classmate of mine with that information. During the first two months of our Physical Therapy Clinical Internship, one of those females said "At least hindi ako nang-iiwan ng babaing binuntis (At least I don't leave a woman I've impregnated)".
Of course, she is allowed to have her own opinion about my actions. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion. She is also allowed to betray the trust I have given her if she believes I do not deserve her loyalty for whatever reason she deems valid. She is also allowed to insult me if she believes I deserve punishment, even if only through the verbal media, for any action I have done.
However, she does not have the right to pass judgment over my actions.
Was she there when I walked those kilometers to hash out my feelings and my relationship with my ex? No, she was NOT.
Was she there during the times my weakness was exploited? No, she was NOT.
Was she there when I summoned the spine to resist my ex's wiles and manipulations? No, she was NOT.
Was she there when I thought long and hard over the justice of my decision to break up with my ex EVEN IF the possibility that she carries my child exists? No, she was NOT.
Perhaps, in my anger, I have missed a particular event or aspect that gives her the right to judge me. If so, I shall welcome that particular insight that reveals whatever it was that I missed that allowed such a Neanderthal to judge my actions as unacceptable.
To add to her list of misdeeds, her partner, a female like her, has revealed that she has been told by my ex that she (my ex) has given birth. Coincidentally, it would seem that this female, rotund, disreputable hominid has been given that particular tidbit of information during the time that I've opened up the subject with my peers in a clinic where she was serving her make-up duties. If I obtain proof that they lie, they will do well to stay away from me. Their apologies will earn them nothing while their deaths will earn them amnesty from my wrath.
As a piece of advice, those two dishonorable females would do well to add "Capable of character assassination" in their list of abilities in their curriculum vitae.
I hate them.
I will kill them if they give me the smallest chance to do it legally.
They presume to judge me, they who have NO IDEA of what I go through everyday. They presume to judge me when they know not what I went through when I chose to leave my ex.
If they wish, they may judge me again. Such is their freedom. However, I shall judge them in return and my judgment will be swift & lethal.
I love with passion. I hate with ardor.
