War's handmaiden

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   It matters not how I run.

   It matters not how I defend.

   It matters not how I attack.

   It matters not how I stand.

   Despair, at its whim, reigns above all.

Kylo Ren is a wuss

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   Force-users in the Star Wars Universe have always had a place inside my head. They're warriors and philosophers, in varying degrees, to the extent of their personalities and strengths.

   Strange as it is, I identify more with the Sith Code than the Jedi's.

   How so? The wishy-washy approach of the Jedi does not address the innate problem of the strong trampling the weak. With the Sith Code, one is driven to be strong. What the believer uses the strength for is something else altogether. 

   Yes, it's about strength.

   With strength, one can defend his beliefs and his loved ones. With strength, one can create her path and shape her destiny.

   It's about strength.

   And strength is not limited to the physical. Mental strength is key. There are many broken warriors who relied on skill and strength of arms while their minds were left undeveloped.

   Today, strength is given.

   Today, strength will come forth. From anger, from hate, from fear. Burn the negativity and let it fuel the drive to be stronger.

   Strength comes from without. Strength comes from within.

   Strength of mind and soul and body will see you through your trials. One without the other two, two without the one; these are weak. Strengthen all three and smash through!

   Peace is a lie, there is only passion.

   Through passion, I gain strength.

   Through strength, I gain power.

   Through power, I gain victory.

   Through victory, my chains are broken.

   The Force shall free me.

   Credit goes to David Gaider for the awesome Code.

Enkidu

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Get a bucket, say one that holds 5 liters of fluid. Fill it halfway then lift it. It's not much, right?

  Hold it where it is, as high as you've lifted it.

  As the clock ticks, it gets heavier despite having the same volume.

  That is how I handle guilt.

  Wrong done, regardless of intent, demands punishment. It matters little if the hand holding the rod is no longer my parents', I will wield a whip and swing it towards my exposed back.

  I did wrong, and so I must be punished.

  All I ever did was wrong, so all I deserve is punishment.

  As I was taught with each punitive act and word, so do I burden myself with guilt.

  It matters little if the wrong was accidental or small or easily forgotten by the offended party, all that matters is that I did wrong and that I must be punished.

  It does not have to be a whip in my hand. Chains inside my mind bind just as strongly. At times, I wonder if the whip would at least grant catharsis compared to the endless encirclement imposed by my mind's conditioning.

  Perhaps I just need to cry, to find it in me to forgive myself for the wrongs I've done.

  Or mayhap the whip is lacking whereas a noose will suffice? Yet, doing so denies me the chance to make things right. And a chance is all that I'll ever get. That's if I choose to seize that chance.

  I owe it to the people I've hurt, with or without intent, to make their pain worthwhile. I owe it to them to ensure I don't hurt others as I've hurt them.

  I owe it to the people who've stood by me despite the pain I gave. I owe them more than due effort so I don't hurt them again.

  Punishment is my due, for deliverance that I will earn.