DJ OZMA could provide the BGM for this one

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Research is fascinating. I found out the definition I was given for her name didn't match what the online sources gave. It also associated her name with Lepidoptera. With all that, for this post, I'll call her "Rose."

 Regardless of the distance, when I saw that singular picture of Rose, I was attracted like moth to brilliant flame. Her carefree smile entranced and I was bound from thereon.

 I pursued her as best as I was able. Surprisingly, Rose actually went out of her way to dissuade me by stating what people viewed as personality quirks and defects. I wasn't fazed and I was actually more attracted by her straightforward, bright and in-your-face personality.

 And I fell, diving headfirst. She reciprocated as she was able, bound as she was by circumstances. It didn't matter to me that I'd get an instant daughter if things got to a point because I felt that strongly for her.

 Of course, there was the nagging feeling that I was being toyed with but I decided to ignore it since I couldn't confirm anything. She made me happy. I'd smile like a carefree idiot whenever I thought of her.

 5 weeks into our interactions, I've seen that she is unable to break free from those circumstances, even if I helped her. Maybe her feelings for me were too shallow. It may be I just can't make her feel as strongly as I do. "Maybe pigs have wings and fly" went through my mind and I decided to get help because I saw what we had wasn't going anywhere.

 I went to Nine and Tep for assistance. After Nine browsed through the series of SMS Rose and I exchanged, without any input from me, Nine said I was just being toyed with. That was the nail, nay, the rock-drill that drove home the point I had to end things. 

 So, Nine, Tep and I brainstormed and we agreed that "I overestimated myself. You deserve better. I will no longer bother you." will be sent to Rose via SMS after she hurts me with words. From there, all I had to do was not answer her calls or reply to her SMS.

 And I was able to pull it off. Rose has stopped calling me or sending email this Friday.

 For two days now, I've been missing what Rose and I had. Sure, I was being toyed with but it was still attention that she freely gave. It's quite possible that I was just deluding myself, thinking that her words of affection were true. Fake or true, Rose's words made me happy. Whether or not she was just toying with me, sharing those moments with Rose made me happy.

 I miss Rose.

 Knowing human nature, I'll forget what we had as quickly as Rose has forgotten me. Well, maybe not as quickly as she had since I still feel the hole Rose's absence has created. She was very important.

 I loved Rose.

 [dusts myself off while I rise from the ground I slumped on]

 Better luck next time, then. The quest goes on. I'll cry about this when I get home later.

 I would have wanted to dedicate "Promise" to her.

Affirmation

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2336H 11/18/08 (GMT +0800H)

Yesterday, I was tasked by our House to enroll my brother into the University of the Philippines-Manila because he was indisposed. While I resented the fact that I had to exert effort so he wouldn't pay for the consequences of his inaction, I was largely indifferent to the task since it presented opportunity.

Off I went.

There, I met my Comm II teacher. She was still spry. Though she initially forgot my name, she remembered enough of me to ask "Do you still write?".

That "Do you still write" was the first thing she said pleased me greatly. My writing skills when I was 17 years old were relatively better than my peers but it was still too rough. That she noticed my capabilities as a writer at that stage, that she remembered such a thing after approximately 9 years, was a joyous ... [peers at "joyous"] Nope [shakes head], the word is too weak and is unable to describe just how happy, proud and acknowledged I felt.

Then & there, my person's worth was recognized for what it was and what it will be.

I've much to do so I won't disappoint myself or the others who believe in the real me. [shrugs] Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. [smiles] Then again, where's the fun in easy?