Interlude

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TIRING!!!

I've been at my job for five hours straight and I know that's somehow illegal but since I'm in the customer service biz, the fact that there are patrons to serve means that I'll keep on earning pecuniary resources (if Murphy's Law doesn't strike hard and all). Being dependent on a job has, like everything else, its benefits and risks but I'd rather be getting passive income [shrugs]. Well [shrugs in resignation], those are the breaks until I've those assets online.

Pay is here and with it comes expenses to be paid. I'll be getting another jacket, folding stool, mosquito screens and a storage device for my MP3s. There's the rent, the daily expenditures and peripherals that have to be dealt with but that comes with depending on just your own self for physical sustenance. For emotional nutrition, the right type of friends are necessary. Fulfillment comes from being able to act in your chosen profession, a reality that will come soon since my calculations show I'll be able to go back to my volunteer gig in the Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation Department that I'm associated with this week. Of course, there're the people who're against my existence that I've to contend with, who may get in the way of my plans and all, but that's already a given. It's almost always a question of just how much they'll interfere; it's not a question of IF, but a question of WHEN. INTJ that I am, I try to predict the WHEN to minimize the damage they'll inflict.

Progression, plans from new information and trends to follow

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Knowledge is power.

Information is ammunition (or energy packs/cells, capacitors and powerplants if you're using energy-based weaponry).

That said, I've been able to gain useful information about the probable courses or paths to promotion that are open to me.

The most important thing about the promotion gig is the projected timeslot or timetable. Will I still be able to perform volunteer work at the Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation Department that I'm attached to should I get promoted to the spot that I'm aiming for? So far, the information that I'm getting explicitly states that the Team Lead & Operation Support positions come with SHIFTING schedules that change every week. Initially, that's a big obstacle, since if the schedule shifts every week, the only constant will be my days off and the time I can spend doing 4 hour shifts in the hospital will be highly debatable and theoretical. How can I progress my career as a Physical Therapist if I don't get to do at least 24 hours a week of volunteer work in a Rehab department?

So, the only plausible option is to look at the other departments in the place that I'm working in. I could also try to negotiate for a range of acceptable schedules that they can impose on me, which will allow me to do those projected 4 hour shifts. Of course, I could also look for another place to work for but I'm kinda content with the locale and the other logistics variables that this place of work imposes on me. [shrugs] Of course, being content shouldn't be an obstacle towards growth; so the moment a viable option presents itself, I'll assess and decide accordingly. [smirks in amusement] That's the fun thing in having a memory palace and being an INTJ; the world is an open playground, limited only by resources and imagination.

[smirks] Let's see how things turn out. I'm getting better at my job. I'm getting the equipment that I need for a better quality of life which will let me study my Physical Therapy stuff in comfort. I'm moving forward. ^_^

Standard warnings and statements apply to allies, neutrals and enemies.

That which pulls down

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Disappointments. Nightmares.

Fears.

There are a lot to see and hear as one walks onwards to one's goals but the fact remains that one must contend with these along the way.

==~==

Here, I write of disappointment.

Sometimes, goals are denied. Denial of those goals birth disappointment. It matters little if one is disappointed prior to the execution of the plans for the goal or in the middle of a complex operation meant for your success or at the bitter end of the prolonged battle at war's end. The results are the same; you were NOT meant to earn that which you desire and are thus required to accept the reality presented to you, the reality of having to live on without the goal you've given yourself to. My body is 27 years of age this year and I've experienced disappointment in a lot of forms, received it from various sources and I can foresee myself seeing, hearing, breathing, touching and living those disappointments. That I cannot see if I will triumph over those that will overwhelm my defenses make me terrified & excited at the same time. I fear such a terrible possibility for my destruction is an event that can be easily made to happen. My blood pounds in excited anticipation, for something that can destroy me is a worthy foe and I've yet to find one that has tested my body & mind and driven me to surpass my limits. Yes, disappointment is educational. Disappointment teaches what are the extant limits to any given task and surpassing the said limits to achieve more is a goal worth achieving if possible. If such a goal is impossible, it simply means that you've need to find other goals that you can achieve with the abilities that you have. As with Life and its effects, how you deal with disappointment makes the Life you have and will experience. True destiny is earned, not given.

==~==

Here, I will write of nightmares. My subconscious ,for reasons unknown, chooses to provide me with nightmares. Yes, I did have a dream that wasn't a nightmare BUT that dream came after approximately 14 years of nightmares (I can recall most of the dreams I had since I was 8 years old). That they're almost always gruesome, involves pursuit, characterized by a sense of impending doom and downright unpleasant makes me wonder as to how I get these nightmares in the first place when I do what I can to have a pleasant perspective on life. Of course, the ones who know me can contest that since they know just how evil I can get. I was scared and disturbed when I had a nightmare of the murder of members of the House I ran away from. That they were murdered in that nightmare while I did nothing was most disturbing because I wouldn't endorse the assassination of any member of the House I was raised, though I wouldn't mind purely accidental deaths of some of those members. I am sorely bothered by that nightmare because I have memories of events wherein my inaction has led to misfortune. That those murders were sins by omission strike deep and true. Is my subconscious telling me that my inaction will once again hurt those I hold dear? I know not, so I will act according to what reason dictates.

 ==~==

 Fears point out that humans are vulnerable to the smallest or biggest of threats. Fears underscore the fact that we've needs to be fulfilled, that humans must earn what they need or die. I am afraid that I'll fail. I am afraid that I'll die as a failure by my standards. I'm afraid of the many things that can cause me to fail. I'm afraid that I'll be the cause of my failure. Thankfully, I'm rational. Thankfully, I'm guided and empowered by the Wizard's Rules. Thankfully, I'm armored by the Litany against Fear. I wield Freedom and Destiny, dancing my way to the song of my mind.

Steps forward

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Important stuff first. Our House's dog, Bonbon, died. It would seem he died because of accidentally ingested poison in the form of a poisoned flea. Yes, the flea was poisoned because of pesticide, the fast & sure way of getting rid of fleas. I partially blame myself for Bonbon's death because I wasn't able to completely remove his fleas before I ran away from home. Who knows [shrugs], maybe he'd still be alive if I was able to remove at least half of the fleas that were left over after I removed the visible ones by hand. As atonement, the two dogs, siblings of the deceased honored canine Bonbon, will be regularly serviced by my hand. They will have their fleas removed by my person to ensure that pesticides won't be used to remove fleas, thereby keeping them safe from poisoning by pesticide. Hokay, I've just had a brain-to-drone talk with Payroll. Add the perception that Payroll seems to more interested in playing "keep extraneous stuff FAR away" borne from the fact that they just told me to wait until I get the payslip, and I've need to reconfigure my planned expenditures since Murphy's Law roundly states that I -MAY- not get the sign-in bonus this pay-period. [shrugs] 

C'est la vie.

I'm getting the hang of this biz. BTW, H**** & J******, Freedom & Destiny STILL won't let you pass without a dance. I know you don't care but it's nice to be reminded that things earned are things that stay.