That which pulls down

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Disappointments. Nightmares.

Fears.

There are a lot to see and hear as one walks onwards to one's goals but the fact remains that one must contend with these along the way.

==~==

Here, I write of disappointment.

Sometimes, goals are denied. Denial of those goals birth disappointment. It matters little if one is disappointed prior to the execution of the plans for the goal or in the middle of a complex operation meant for your success or at the bitter end of the prolonged battle at war's end. The results are the same; you were NOT meant to earn that which you desire and are thus required to accept the reality presented to you, the reality of having to live on without the goal you've given yourself to. My body is 27 years of age this year and I've experienced disappointment in a lot of forms, received it from various sources and I can foresee myself seeing, hearing, breathing, touching and living those disappointments. That I cannot see if I will triumph over those that will overwhelm my defenses make me terrified & excited at the same time. I fear such a terrible possibility for my destruction is an event that can be easily made to happen. My blood pounds in excited anticipation, for something that can destroy me is a worthy foe and I've yet to find one that has tested my body & mind and driven me to surpass my limits. Yes, disappointment is educational. Disappointment teaches what are the extant limits to any given task and surpassing the said limits to achieve more is a goal worth achieving if possible. If such a goal is impossible, it simply means that you've need to find other goals that you can achieve with the abilities that you have. As with Life and its effects, how you deal with disappointment makes the Life you have and will experience. True destiny is earned, not given.

==~==

Here, I will write of nightmares. My subconscious ,for reasons unknown, chooses to provide me with nightmares. Yes, I did have a dream that wasn't a nightmare BUT that dream came after approximately 14 years of nightmares (I can recall most of the dreams I had since I was 8 years old). That they're almost always gruesome, involves pursuit, characterized by a sense of impending doom and downright unpleasant makes me wonder as to how I get these nightmares in the first place when I do what I can to have a pleasant perspective on life. Of course, the ones who know me can contest that since they know just how evil I can get. I was scared and disturbed when I had a nightmare of the murder of members of the House I ran away from. That they were murdered in that nightmare while I did nothing was most disturbing because I wouldn't endorse the assassination of any member of the House I was raised, though I wouldn't mind purely accidental deaths of some of those members. I am sorely bothered by that nightmare because I have memories of events wherein my inaction has led to misfortune. That those murders were sins by omission strike deep and true. Is my subconscious telling me that my inaction will once again hurt those I hold dear? I know not, so I will act according to what reason dictates.

 ==~==

 Fears point out that humans are vulnerable to the smallest or biggest of threats. Fears underscore the fact that we've needs to be fulfilled, that humans must earn what they need or die. I am afraid that I'll fail. I am afraid that I'll die as a failure by my standards. I'm afraid of the many things that can cause me to fail. I'm afraid that I'll be the cause of my failure. Thankfully, I'm rational. Thankfully, I'm guided and empowered by the Wizard's Rules. Thankfully, I'm armored by the Litany against Fear. I wield Freedom and Destiny, dancing my way to the song of my mind.