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Yes, there is fear.
[raises right eyebrow in thought] As it is, I welcome the fear.
Why? Because the fear brings that adrenaline rush that is only brought about by having my life threatened with extinction.
I know it's a tad stupid to keep on asking for situations that would bring about life-threatening scenarios, but I've nothing else that can bring about that heart-pounding exhilaration inherent in bringing to fore all that I am in a battle eloquently summarized by "Win or Die".
True, I've yet to engage myself in actual combat where everything is at stake and the perfect harmonious integration of my mind and body at their respective peaks is the only key to success. True, tis sad that the only closest thing to that which I yearn for is something that only happens if I happen to be unreasonably stupid or Murphy's Law has decided to pay a most unusual amount of attention on me.
Yes, I'm a polymath dual-spatha-wielding dancing physical therapist with dreams, hopes and goals that some would laugh at, cringe away from or just plain gape at. That means I would like to excel in treating patients in the field of physical therapy, in wielding two bladed weapons in a dance of death that most would think as pointless (if not downright inane) and in maximizing my mastery of the skills that I find relevant. Being who I am means that I've needs and wants that only my close friends would be able to accept and comprehend. Being who I am means that I'm just dissatisfied if things are boring or downright stupid.
As a segue, you [points towards the subject of my ire] don't know who you are and you'll most likely die not knowing that you're an incompetent, diety-forsaken, insecure, ameobic, devolved, anthropomorphic slimeball masquerading as one of my immediate superiors. That you're afraid that your incompetence will be exposed makes you act in ways that underscore your abominable inability to capably perform your duties and you do this by making your subordinates feel inferior whenever you swing your title and rank to enforce your perverse perspectives. That you use your rank to stomp down on my perspectives instead of giving me rational data by which I can make my own decisions sickens me. I'd neutralize you if doing so weren't a flagrant waste of my stretched resources.
[takes a deep breath] Now, [peruses the previous paragraph and smiles] I've let all that negativity out. I can continue my thoughts.
I've found a translation of the haunting, soulful rendition of the song Doll, as sung by Lia. That the song is for the animé Gunslinger Girl Il Teatrino, which is based on Yu Aida's heart-wrenching manga Gunslinger Girl, just makes the song more special. Yes, the series (both the animé and manga) in itself is morose, but I am endeared to the characters that endeavor to live fully in spite of the limitations imposed upon them by circumstances. Angelica's death is tragic yet pivotal because it emphasized the cyborgs' mortality. Triela's and Hilshire's choices about their relationship as fratello bring to mind several of my own experiences. I find the simplicity of Rico's approach to life too ... [pouts in thought] unbalanced but the fact that she didn't have a functional body to begin with makes the rationale behind her decision apt.
I love songs.
I love dancing.
I love being me and there are also times that I mourn over my mistakes.
That darkness exists as a contrast to light, that Life is pointless without Death, that there is the past, present and tomorrow in each and every one of us, makes living a responsibility like no other.
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