The taste of cold steel

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2005H 11/19/08 (GMT +0800H)

I'm thoroughly incensed that people continue to judge me out of ignorance. They know nothing of me, yet they think they've the unquestionable right to pass judgment over my person. They only know the LITTLE that they've seen or heard of me, yet they consider that data as EVERYTHING they'd need to judge me.

Pray tell, children of Adam & Eve, from who or where did you get the thought, the ludicrous, inane thought, that -YOU- have the RIGHT to pass judgment over me and mine? You claim offense at the acts I do, not knowing anything of the rationale behind my person, when it is the logic behind my actions that would give sense to me and mine. You insist that I act according to your rules, rules where I'm forced to submit to your incompetence, when those same rules are based on flimsy wishes that will collapse under the onslaught of Truth.

I am ruled by morality. When I'm proven wrong, I submit to the consequences of my mistake.

Why, pray tell, do hominids around me strut and pontificate as if they're above what's right and wrong?

Why, pray tell, do these same hominids enforce their standards on me when they themselves do not measure up to what's moral?

It would've been a tad acceptable if those idiots were amoral. As it is, they consider their immoral perspective and judgment as law, enforce this perverse & unjust law upon me while they consider themselves above it all AND think that this perversity, this double standard, is the natural order.

They wish for natural order? They would do well to think of what Gaia considers natural.

[glares in hostility] Be warned, then, those who continue to wrong me. Should you fail to fully enforce your perverse double standard, I will extract the price of your transgressions. If you succeed, pray that the Kindly Ones don't get you too soon. Either way, you're doomed. Evil does not go unpunished, specially your brand of perverse despicable evil.

Affirmation

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2336H 11/18/08 (GMT +0800H)

Yesterday, I was tasked by our House to enroll my brother into the University of the Philippines-Manila because he was indisposed. While I resented the fact that I had to exert effort so he wouldn't pay for the consequences of his inaction, I was largely indifferent to the task since it presented opportunity.

Off I went.

There, I met my Comm II teacher. She was still spry. Though she initially forgot my name, she remembered enough of me to ask "Do you still write?".

That "Do you still write" was the first thing she said pleased me greatly. My writing skills when I was 17 years old were relatively better than my peers but it was still too rough. That she noticed my capabilities as a writer at that stage, that she remembered such a thing after approximately 9 years, was a joyous ... [peers at "joyous"] Nope [shakes head], the word is too weak and is unable to describe just how happy, proud and acknowledged I felt.

Then & there, my person's worth was recognized for what it was and what it will be.

I've much to do so I won't disappoint myself or the others who believe in the real me. [shrugs] Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. [smiles] Then again, where's the fun in easy?

Emotions [laughs in a decidedly evil manner]

Ah, yes... Blessed silence. A comment from a respected Lady. Interaction with another Lady last night. ([smirks] Regardless of the fact that both Ladies are not interested in a romantic relationship with me, I still enjoy their company) Those things make me a happy man. Now, I'll have to get to the part where I'll make money, support myself, set up the fund/business for my mercenary little sister's college education and all those other stuff so I can be happier. There's this thing about finding Her, but I can only believe that for as long as I engage in a pro-active search while doing my best to live, I'll be able to find Her. Things aren't really looking that well since the execution of my decision may be delayed significantly thanks to Murphy's Law. [shrugs] C'est la vie. I've Freedom & Destiny & the Samurai. I'm alive & I'm not giving up on anything about my self. I've got my close friends and they're there when I've great need. I've got my twin. I'm me.

Energy allocation


Fact: I'm using a lot of energy just to keep my Anger Sublimation Engine working to the point that I've precious little left over for my other mental functions.

Argh.

A whole lot of...

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[shrugs] Well, it's a good thing that I'm such a perfectionist. If I weren't, I'd have rushed to my favorite Rehabilitation Center, gung-ho on starting the process to become one of their Therapists. As it is, I've called up to check and they said that they're not looking for people to fill up their ranks. I'll have to look at this some more because:
  1. This isn't the first time that those same people have evoked the Wizard's Rules.
  2. With this particular group of people, the Third Rule is even more important because they're colleagues.
Time and careful objective observation will tell if my initial assessment of them holds true. ~~~I'm still playing Super Robot Wars Original Generations 2. I'm kinda stuck in an "earn money & XP" stage since I'm upgrading a lot of the robots. I love the characters and robots, specially since there're kits of the Alt Eisen and Valsione. It'd be nice if there'll be Figma or Revoltech action figures of the ladies (e.g. Lamia, Mai, Latooni & Seolla) since I'll be able to expand the female side of my collection. ~~~Anger Management and Sublimation rules the Scene. It's necessary because I've goals. They're kinda far at the moment, but I'm not giving up on my self and my dreams.

Appreciation from an unlikely source

That's the little collectible from HotWheels that my patient gave me. I was surprised and pleased that I got it. I don't recall telling him that I like Batman, so the joy of receiving it was substantially increased. It's nice to know that I'm appreciated.

Wrestling with the Wizard's Rules


1723H 11/03/08 (GMT +0800H)

~~~
A/N: I don't own the universe/concepts/ideas or any part of the universe that Terry Goodkind created. I'm only citing them because the philosophy presented by Mr. Goodkind is, in my opinion, true & simple.
~~~

Weeks separate me from implementing a critical decision. While I spend whatever resource I have in preparation for the execution of my plan, I also duel with the Wizard's Rules.

Against every decision that leads to the climax, I contrast it with the First Rule. Is my perception tainted by my prejudices? Is my assessment skewed because of irrational fears? Currently, I've yet to determine if I'm violating it as I assess my work environment and one of my adopted sister's reaction. Am I too insecure & filled with low self-esteem, thus skewing my appreciation towards the negative?

The Third Rule runs through each act, for each act I make is fueled by anger, anger borne from unjust actions and words towards my person. I've need to be rational, else all I've done & gained will be for naught. Yet, I've need of the burning anger, for righteous anger is the one that moves me onward out of the cage I'm currently in. That I act towards my freedom makes me think: Am I reaching for another set of chains with this endeavor or am I working towards the state I'm meant to be in?

Acts directed towards me are measured against the Fifth Rule, after I've assessed said act with the First Rule. More often than not, the data indicates that the decision I intend to make is the right one, provided I haven't been violating the First Rule all along. [tilts head to the right] Sure, the decision I'll make will require hardships in my part. Whichever choice I make, I'll have to face hardships. It's just a question of what option will yield the best results. But, if the best results will be obtained in exchange for a continuation of the downward spiral I'm doing my best to reverse, consequences be damned. I've seen a glimpse of the phantoms that I'll fight in a continued dive and they're most horrible to behold.

Onwards, then.