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Yesterday and today were the collective last straw.
There's the old adage: "Don't throw good money after bad." With that, I cut all ties with her.
Severe
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Yesterday and today were the collective last straw.
There's the old adage: "Don't throw good money after bad." With that, I cut all ties with her.
Black or white without shades of gray
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I have always thought of life as a dance. You choose your music, you figure out the steps, practice the steps and them change the steps if necessary.
With that analogy, relationships are also a dance. You and your partner choose a song for the two of you and both of you dance to it. Sometimes...
[shrugs] Sometimes, you are the only one that dances because your chosen partner just cannot commit.
A dance takes commitment towards a goal; a dancing pair requires that shared vision. Dancing is poetry in motion. Paired dancers take the dance and music and give it another dimension as their shared passion and commitment add layers to the dance as it happens.
A pair of dancers where one does not and cannot commit to dance with the other produces a disjointed horrible travesty.
Here and now, I am tired of dancing while my partner waffles.
She has fifteen days. Just like before.
With that analogy, relationships are also a dance. You and your partner choose a song for the two of you and both of you dance to it. Sometimes...
[shrugs] Sometimes, you are the only one that dances because your chosen partner just cannot commit.
A dance takes commitment towards a goal; a dancing pair requires that shared vision. Dancing is poetry in motion. Paired dancers take the dance and music and give it another dimension as their shared passion and commitment add layers to the dance as it happens.
A pair of dancers where one does not and cannot commit to dance with the other produces a disjointed horrible travesty.
Here and now, I am tired of dancing while my partner waffles.
She has fifteen days. Just like before.
Regenschirm Knight and Tsundere Princess: Prologue
Prologue:
Glossary of terms:
Canalphones - a term used to describe in-ear headphones that eliminate external sound with its design.
Solar plexus - a bundle of nerves located near the upper middle portion of the abdomen. Hitting said portion will induce temporary spasms of the breathing muscles.
+++++++
Thoughts of her warm bed motivated Theresa to stride through the elevator's doors. Hitting 5 feet 6 inches on toned legs, her well-endowed frame and proportional curves turned male heads as she entered. Inured to the looks she received, she gathered her hair at her left shoulder, letting it fall down to her breast as she prepared herself for the drive home. Gazing ahead with eyes the color of dark chocolate, she pursed her lips at someone sticking out like a sore thumb.
"It's not raining, is it?" Theresa asked as she approaced the sore thumb.
Adjusting his glasses with his left hand, Fredric replied "Yes, it's not raining."
Smirking derisively, Theresa retorted "Then you don't have to bring that big-ass umbrella to work, right? It's already night so there's no sun. You're such a weirdo."
"It serves a purpose" Fredric nonchalantly replied as he walked off to the elevators.
"Weirdo." Theresa said as she walked out of the building.
~~~
Trudging through the door, Fredric shrugged his stocky frame to shake off some of the rain. Having 5 feet 6 inches meant that there's more of him that gets wet but Fredric considered the inconvenience worthwhile as his height and muscles let him indulge in his chosen hobbies.
"What the?!" Theresa blurted in suprise as she stepped out of the elevator. "Where's your farm? You're wearing rubber boots to work, weirdo."
"It's flooded where I live" Fredric said as he set aside his umbrella to dry.
"There is the modern invention called a taxi, weirdo" Theresa pointed out as she continued to stare.
"The boots suit my purpose" Fredric replied as he walked into the elevator.
~~~
"..." Theresa said as she pointed towards Fredric's hands as the elevator opened.
"You were saying?" Fredric asked as he removed his canalphones from his ears.
"Why the hell are you doing that?" Theresa raised her hands and mimicked Fredric's waggling fingers.
Walking out of the elevator, Fredric replied with "It serves a purpose."
"Weirdo." Theresa retorted as she stepped in.
~~~
"Stupid good for nothing boyfriend" Theresa muttered as she stomped out of the building. "No, scratch that. Stupid good-for-nothing EX-boyfriend. You think I need you?"
"Men chase after me, even fight over me. You were lucky that I chose to love you but you have the fucking guts -because you don't have balls, bastard- to break up with me?" Theresa's tears were about to spill over so she took several deep breaths. "I need to get this out of my system. The bar's two blocks away. A stiff drink or two should settle me." 10 minutes of walking got Theresa into the bar. "Chris!" she called out to the bartender. "Give me something to chase away the blues. I don't care what it is. I just want to stop hurting, even for a little while." Theresa slumped over the bar while waiting for the drink.
30 minutes later, Theresa finished her third cocktail. "Chris? Is this all you've got? Aw, screw this. I'm going home." Theresa blearily lifted herself from the stool and strode out into the cold night. "Stupid good for nothing bastard" Theresa continued to mutter as she walked towards her parked car.
"Drunk. Let's make it drunk AND robbed." someone whispered maliciously beside Theresa. Turning her head, Theresa saw a shadow that poked something sharp into her side and snarled out with its foul breath "Hand it over."
Fighting with what she had, Theresa pushed the man away and ran. Though used to her two-inch heels, the mugger soon caught up with her and pulled her down with the bag's strap. Falling to the ground, she swung her bag in defiance. The mugger chuckled as she missed.
"Hrrr. Drunk, robbed AND raped." the mugger smiled lecherously as he saw Theresa's prostate body.
"Try unconscious." With that, Fredric's swung umbrella hit the mugger's right temple . Staggered, the mugger stepped away from Theresa and slashed reflexively with the knife in his right hand. Swinging the bent umbrella down to parry the knife, he grabbed the mugger's right wrist with his left hand. Stepping in, he backhanded the umbrella's handle into the mugger's solar plexus as he twisted the wrist he held.
Hearing the knife clatter on the ground, Fredric released the right wrist then thrust the heel of his left hand to break the mugger's nose. With the mugger's eyes rolling up as he fell to the ground, Fredric looked towards Theresa. "You need help to get up?"
"Nevermind, stay on the ground." Fredric walked to where Theresa lay and he checked for wounds. Lifting Theresa's palms up, "Aside from the scrapes here, were you hurt elsewhere?"
"You're late for work, weirdo." she blurted out. "It's my day off, I was going to get something I left in my locker." Fredric replied as he pulled Theresa up. "Could you ask the guard at the parking lot to call the police?"
"Huh?" Theresa replied. "That bad, eh? Let me tie him up then I'll get you to your car or to the modern invention called a taxi." Fredric took the mugger's belt and shirt then used them to bind the mugger's wrists and ankles together behind his back.
"You can stand and that's it, hm?" Fredric remarked as he observed Theresa's shocky eyes as she leaned against the wall. "I'll apologize for this later." Fredric said as he scooped Theresa up and carried her to their workplace. "Watch where your hands go, weirdo." Theresa muttered as she snuggled closer to Fredric.
~~~
"The police reports were a pain. I hate paper-work so this must be some long-delayed karma. Thank the Heavens it was my rest day" Fredric thought to himself, adjusting his glasses as he walked to the building.
"Weirdo! You're late!" Theresa shouted as Fredric turned the corner. "Am not, I've 45 minutes before my shift starts," he said as he walked past her. "It's nice to see you're back," he tossed back.
"You made me wait! You're late when you make me wait, weirdo." Theresa retorted as she ran up to him, reaching out for the right hand holding his new umbrella.
Glossary of terms:
Canalphones - a term used to describe in-ear headphones that eliminate external sound with its design.
Solar plexus - a bundle of nerves located near the upper middle portion of the abdomen. Hitting said portion will induce temporary spasms of the breathing muscles.
+++++++
Thoughts of her warm bed motivated Theresa to stride through the elevator's doors. Hitting 5 feet 6 inches on toned legs, her well-endowed frame and proportional curves turned male heads as she entered. Inured to the looks she received, she gathered her hair at her left shoulder, letting it fall down to her breast as she prepared herself for the drive home. Gazing ahead with eyes the color of dark chocolate, she pursed her lips at someone sticking out like a sore thumb.
"It's not raining, is it?" Theresa asked as she approaced the sore thumb.
Adjusting his glasses with his left hand, Fredric replied "Yes, it's not raining."
Smirking derisively, Theresa retorted "Then you don't have to bring that big-ass umbrella to work, right? It's already night so there's no sun. You're such a weirdo."
"It serves a purpose" Fredric nonchalantly replied as he walked off to the elevators.
"Weirdo." Theresa said as she walked out of the building.
~~~
Trudging through the door, Fredric shrugged his stocky frame to shake off some of the rain. Having 5 feet 6 inches meant that there's more of him that gets wet but Fredric considered the inconvenience worthwhile as his height and muscles let him indulge in his chosen hobbies.
"What the?!" Theresa blurted in suprise as she stepped out of the elevator. "Where's your farm? You're wearing rubber boots to work, weirdo."
"It's flooded where I live" Fredric said as he set aside his umbrella to dry.
"There is the modern invention called a taxi, weirdo" Theresa pointed out as she continued to stare.
"The boots suit my purpose" Fredric replied as he walked into the elevator.
~~~
"..." Theresa said as she pointed towards Fredric's hands as the elevator opened.
"You were saying?" Fredric asked as he removed his canalphones from his ears.
"Why the hell are you doing that?" Theresa raised her hands and mimicked Fredric's waggling fingers.
Walking out of the elevator, Fredric replied with "It serves a purpose."
"Weirdo." Theresa retorted as she stepped in.
~~~
"Stupid good for nothing boyfriend" Theresa muttered as she stomped out of the building. "No, scratch that. Stupid good-for-nothing EX-boyfriend. You think I need you?"
"Men chase after me, even fight over me. You were lucky that I chose to love you but you have the fucking guts -because you don't have balls, bastard- to break up with me?" Theresa's tears were about to spill over so she took several deep breaths. "I need to get this out of my system. The bar's two blocks away. A stiff drink or two should settle me." 10 minutes of walking got Theresa into the bar. "Chris!" she called out to the bartender. "Give me something to chase away the blues. I don't care what it is. I just want to stop hurting, even for a little while." Theresa slumped over the bar while waiting for the drink.
30 minutes later, Theresa finished her third cocktail. "Chris? Is this all you've got? Aw, screw this. I'm going home." Theresa blearily lifted herself from the stool and strode out into the cold night. "Stupid good for nothing bastard" Theresa continued to mutter as she walked towards her parked car.
"Drunk. Let's make it drunk AND robbed." someone whispered maliciously beside Theresa. Turning her head, Theresa saw a shadow that poked something sharp into her side and snarled out with its foul breath "Hand it over."
Fighting with what she had, Theresa pushed the man away and ran. Though used to her two-inch heels, the mugger soon caught up with her and pulled her down with the bag's strap. Falling to the ground, she swung her bag in defiance. The mugger chuckled as she missed.
"Hrrr. Drunk, robbed AND raped." the mugger smiled lecherously as he saw Theresa's prostate body.
"Try unconscious." With that, Fredric's swung umbrella hit the mugger's right temple . Staggered, the mugger stepped away from Theresa and slashed reflexively with the knife in his right hand. Swinging the bent umbrella down to parry the knife, he grabbed the mugger's right wrist with his left hand. Stepping in, he backhanded the umbrella's handle into the mugger's solar plexus as he twisted the wrist he held.
Hearing the knife clatter on the ground, Fredric released the right wrist then thrust the heel of his left hand to break the mugger's nose. With the mugger's eyes rolling up as he fell to the ground, Fredric looked towards Theresa. "You need help to get up?"
"Nevermind, stay on the ground." Fredric walked to where Theresa lay and he checked for wounds. Lifting Theresa's palms up, "Aside from the scrapes here, were you hurt elsewhere?"
"You're late for work, weirdo." she blurted out. "It's my day off, I was going to get something I left in my locker." Fredric replied as he pulled Theresa up. "Could you ask the guard at the parking lot to call the police?"
"Huh?" Theresa replied. "That bad, eh? Let me tie him up then I'll get you to your car or to the modern invention called a taxi." Fredric took the mugger's belt and shirt then used them to bind the mugger's wrists and ankles together behind his back.
"You can stand and that's it, hm?" Fredric remarked as he observed Theresa's shocky eyes as she leaned against the wall. "I'll apologize for this later." Fredric said as he scooped Theresa up and carried her to their workplace. "Watch where your hands go, weirdo." Theresa muttered as she snuggled closer to Fredric.
~~~
"The police reports were a pain. I hate paper-work so this must be some long-delayed karma. Thank the Heavens it was my rest day" Fredric thought to himself, adjusting his glasses as he walked to the building.
"Weirdo! You're late!" Theresa shouted as Fredric turned the corner. "Am not, I've 45 minutes before my shift starts," he said as he walked past her. "It's nice to see you're back," he tossed back.
"You made me wait! You're late when you make me wait, weirdo." Theresa retorted as she ran up to him, reaching out for the right hand holding his new umbrella.
Veni, vidi, vici
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Pride.
I guess having the last word on something is very important for some people.
Today, Rose resumed contact for an hour. At the end of it, she said she's done. That she's breaking things off.
[blinks in thought] What the?
[shrugs] Well, if it makes her feel better, there's no harm in letting her have the last word. It changes nothing inside me. It doesn't change the fact that we're isles apart in so many ways. It doesn't change the fact that what we had couldn't have worked.
Oh, yeah. Our internal chat network lets us block other people while still letting us see their status messages. Rose's status message last Thursday was "What goes around, comes back around." The suppressed grammar Nazi in me was raring to have at it. After an hour, I changed my status message to "They call those things 'boomerangs' in Australia." Rose changed hers to "WHATEVER!!!!!" [laughs] Trolling, SUCCESSFUL!
I guess having the last word on something is very important for some people.
Today, Rose resumed contact for an hour. At the end of it, she said she's done. That she's breaking things off.
[blinks in thought] What the?
[shrugs] Well, if it makes her feel better, there's no harm in letting her have the last word. It changes nothing inside me. It doesn't change the fact that we're isles apart in so many ways. It doesn't change the fact that what we had couldn't have worked.
Oh, yeah. Our internal chat network lets us block other people while still letting us see their status messages. Rose's status message last Thursday was "What goes around, comes back around." The suppressed grammar Nazi in me was raring to have at it. After an hour, I changed my status message to "They call those things 'boomerangs' in Australia." Rose changed hers to "WHATEVER!!!!!" [laughs] Trolling, SUCCESSFUL!
Letting the flower lie
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And with this, the end is set; what we had you'll soon forget.
I serve as I had before; as one that's yours, nevermore.
As we stand, so it ends; not as foes, nor as friends.
As of the moment, the silence I'm getting underscores the assessment that I really was just used by Rose.
It was already a blow to me that she just put the phone down while I was venting. What? She was the only one who had the right to vent on the other party in a relationship? That woke me up from my stupor of stupidity and lack of spine.
So I sent that poem the moment I woke.
And Rose's lack of reaction to it screams that losing a tool like me is like losing a pencil when you own a well-stocked school-supplies shop.
Yes, recovering from these blows to my fragile self-esteem will take a lot of work. It's my fault that I let things get out of hand with Rose, so there's no point in beating myself up about it. I just have to keep at re-building what was broken.
DJ OZMA could provide the BGM for this one
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Research is fascinating. I found out the definition I was given for her name didn't match what the online sources gave. It also associated her name with Lepidoptera. With all that, for this post, I'll call her "Rose."
Regardless of the distance, when I saw that singular picture of Rose, I was attracted like moth to brilliant flame. Her carefree smile entranced and I was bound from thereon.
I pursued her as best as I was able. Surprisingly, Rose actually went out of her way to dissuade me by stating what people viewed as personality quirks and defects. I wasn't fazed and I was actually more attracted by her straightforward, bright and in-your-face personality.
And I fell, diving headfirst. She reciprocated as she was able, bound as she was by circumstances. It didn't matter to me that I'd get an instant daughter if things got to a point because I felt that strongly for her.
Of course, there was the nagging feeling that I was being toyed with but I decided to ignore it since I couldn't confirm anything. She made me happy. I'd smile like a carefree idiot whenever I thought of her.
5 weeks into our interactions, I've seen that she is unable to break free from those circumstances, even if I helped her. Maybe her feelings for me were too shallow. It may be I just can't make her feel as strongly as I do. "Maybe pigs have wings and fly" went through my mind and I decided to get help because I saw what we had wasn't going anywhere.
I went to Nine and Tep for assistance. After Nine browsed through the series of SMS Rose and I exchanged, without any input from me, Nine said I was just being toyed with. That was the nail, nay, the rock-drill that drove home the point I had to end things.
So, Nine, Tep and I brainstormed and we agreed that "I overestimated myself. You deserve better. I will no longer bother you." will be sent to Rose via SMS after she hurts me with words. From there, all I had to do was not answer her calls or reply to her SMS.
And I was able to pull it off. Rose has stopped calling me or sending email this Friday.
For two days now, I've been missing what Rose and I had. Sure, I was being toyed with but it was still attention that she freely gave. It's quite possible that I was just deluding myself, thinking that her words of affection were true. Fake or true, Rose's words made me happy. Whether or not she was just toying with me, sharing those moments with Rose made me happy.
I miss Rose.
Knowing human nature, I'll forget what we had as quickly as Rose has forgotten me. Well, maybe not as quickly as she had since I still feel the hole Rose's absence has created. She was very important.
I loved Rose.
[dusts myself off while I rise from the ground I slumped on]
Better luck next time, then. The quest goes on. I'll cry about this when I get home later.
I would have wanted to dedicate "Promise" to her.
Yatta!
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I've been able to acquire my pre-orders, much thanks to Greattoysonline.com. I now have figma's RoboCop ("My friends call me Murphy. You call me... RoboCop.") and the action figure is a joy. It's expected that I couldn't pose him like Kathryn (my Kanu Uncho figma) since RoboCop's movements are limited. Won't and can't expect him to perform the "ama kakeru ryu no hirameki" but having his forearm weapon system would have been good. Him getting the back-pack from RoboCop 3 would have been great [smiles].
The 1/144 RG Freedom looked promising. The joints looked good but the construction will prevent repairs. Have to look into getting that particular runner [scribbles into notes "Runner of RG Freedom's endoskeleton"]. The decals... The decals are worth mentioning because for a 1/144 kit, there are TWO sheets of them. The diagrams are specific enough, though we're still talking about two sheets of decals.
The 1/144 RG Freedom looked promising. The joints looked good but the construction will prevent repairs. Have to look into getting that particular runner [scribbles into notes "Runner of RG Freedom's endoskeleton"]. The decals... The decals are worth mentioning because for a 1/144 kit, there are TWO sheets of them. The diagrams are specific enough, though we're still talking about two sheets of decals.
With the cost of the RG Freedom, I could buy another one and customize it. I'd have to look for 1/144-scaled straight solid swords to complete the gig.
Yes, it'll be a low weapon-count version of MAGENTA. If I can get specific runners, I'd be able to construct my preferred MAGENTA on the cheap. Have to be patient for it, though. I'd have to cripple a 1/100 MG 00 Raiser with the removal of the GN Sword III but that's fine. I'd be putting Drizzt Do'Urden in it anyhow.
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