Dancing my way: 2008

Turning points and foci

I've done some counting and it'll take a fair bit of juggling if I wish to complete my goals by year's end. Of course, there's the usual problem with logistics, but I guess that's part of Life whichever way you productively live it.

Being who I am means that I'll have to contend with a lot of things while keeping a good amount of things secret from those who will misjudge me out of ignorance. Given that I can eventually reveal said secrets when the time is right, the fact that integral parts of my person have to be hidden grates against something fundamental I'm having trouble identifying. Perhaps it's annoying me because I'm naturally proud of what I am, because even my negative aspects (that of my upbringing and character) serve my goals and purposes. That others cannot appreciate those parts because they refuse to see those aspects' relevance.

I've goals. I'll achieve those goals because I know those goals are moral and even if they're primarily selfish goals, those goals will serve others just as well. I will be a practicing knowledgeable effective Physical Therapist because being less than that is an unacceptable embarrassment.

There are steps to be made, decisions to be carved into stone and a dream to turn into reality. There's much to be done, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy so I'm going to use every resource at my disposal.

I wield Freedom & Destiny.

The Samurai takes no prisoners. It fights to uphold and defend what I consider mine and right.

Mixed bag of goodies

2005H 12/03/08 (GMT +0800H)

Well [blinks], status quo and all that hoop-la do not merit a blog entry.

~~~

I'm irritated with a senior tenured colleague of mine because said colleague is a SLACKER! What do I have against slackers? Slackers pretend to work while they pass off some of their professional duties, duties they dislike, to others. Said slacker passed a responsibility to me EVEN if I was nearly incapacitated with hunger. How did it go? Like this: I had my first patient yesterday at around 1300H, prior to my lunch. While I was giving the first modalities to that patient, my regular Tuesday patient arrived (the one who gave the Batmobile). His arrival meant that by the time I finished with my first patient, he'd be done with his round with our department's Occupational Therapist, which meant I'd be treating him immediately after without eating my lunch. I didn't mind having to treat my regular patient right after my first patient of the day since my morning meal could provide me energy equal to a brunch. So, sans lunch, I treated my regular patient until 1700H. We were delayed because we had to wait for some equipment to be available. During our treatment session, I noticed that a patient (one that I administered the initial treatment to) was waiting for someone to treat him even if the slacker was available/without patients to treat. I noticed that patient approximately 20 minutes before I finished my gig with my regular patient. Guess what? He was still waiting for a PT to treat him when I finished. Now, what did the slacker do? Said slacker uttered: "Sir, I'll be putting the hot-packs and TENS on him while you finish picking up. He's yours after I put the stuff on him." [raises brows and makes an incredulous face] Tarnations! YOU -KNEW- I haven't had lunch yet. YOU hold your lunch period sacred. You were doing SQUAT and you passed the patient to -ME-? What does your action tell me about you, huh? Where's your professionalism? I, PERSONALLY, dislike treating a particular patient because of the tedious and unwieldy nature of said patient's treatment protocol BUT I still treat that patient in a professional manner, in a manner wherein I give my best. Why do I give my best to my patients, regardless of my prejudices? I give my best because I swore an OATH. You also have a license to practice as a PT in the Philippines. Makes me wonder what that license and the oath that comes with it mean to you.

~~~

Last Friday, romantic opportunities presented themselves. The first opportunity I really don't want to put much stock in, since the probable graduated from a college whose graduates I distrust in romantic situations. The last opportunity was a tad iffy, since I wasn't able to find out if the probable was still single. [shrugs] What the heck, it doesn't really matter since I'll be leaving within two years. Starting a romantic relationship with the Lady of my dreams within those two years would be most risky. I stand to lose much AND if things end badly, I'll end up hurting another woman's feelings. I don't like hurting (relative) innocents, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

~~~

Job opportunities are being analyzed. Finances are being projected. God, Fates & Luck willing, I'll be on my way to my desired state of affairs in 3 months time at the average (a month at the least if Luck smiles brightly on me).

The taste of cold steel

I'm thoroughly incensed that people continue to judge me out of ignorance. They know nothing of me, yet they think they've the unquestionable right to pass judgment over my person. They only know the LITTLE that they've seen or heard of me, yet they consider that data as EVERYTHING they'd need to judge me.

Pray tell, children of Adam & Eve, from who or where did you get the thought, the ludicrous, inane thought, that -YOU- have the RIGHT to pass judgment over me and mine? You claim offense at the acts I do, not knowing anything of the rationale behind my person, when it is the logic behind my actions that would give sense to me and mine. You insist that I act according to your rules, rules where I'm forced to submit to your incompetence, when those same rules are based on flimsy wishes that will collapse under the onslaught of Truth.

I am ruled by morality. When I'm proven wrong, I submit to the consequences of my mistake.

Why, pray tell, do hominids around me strut and pontificate as if they're above what's right and wrong?

Why, pray tell, do these same hominids enforce their standards on me when they themselves do not measure up to what's moral?

It would've been a tad acceptable if those idiots were amoral. As it is, they consider their immoral perspective and judgment as law, enforce this perverse & unjust law upon me while they consider themselves above it all AND think that this perversity, this double standard, is the natural order.

They wish for natural order? They would do well to think of what Gaia considers natural.

[glares in hostility] Be warned, then, those who continue to wrong me. Should you fail to fully enforce your perverse double standard, I will extract the price of your transgressions. If you succeed, pray that the Kindly Ones don't get you too soon. Either way, you're doomed. Evil does not go unpunished, specially your brand of perverse despicable evil.

Affirmation

Yesterday, I was tasked by our House to enroll my brother into the University of the Philippines-Manila because he was indisposed. While I resented the fact that I had to exert effort so he wouldn't pay for the consequences of his inaction, I was largely indifferent to the task since it presented opportunity.

Off I went.

There, I met my Comm II teacher. She was still spry. Though she initially forgot my name, she remembered enough of me to ask "Do you still write?".

That "Do you still write" was the first thing she said pleased me greatly. My writing skills when I was 17 years old were relatively better than my peers but it was still too rough. That she noticed my capabilities as a writer at that stage, that she remembered such a thing after approximately 9 years, was a joyous ... [peers at "joyous"] Nope [shakes head], the word is too weak and is unable to describe just how happy, proud and acknowledged I felt.

Then & there, my person's worth was recognized for what it was and what it will be.

I've much to do so I won't disappoint myself or the others who believe in the real me. [shrugs] Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. [smiles] Then again, where's the fun in easy?

COLDS ARE A PAIN!!!

I've got a cold. I'm PISSED!!!

Emotions [laughs in a decidedly evil manner]

Ah, yes... Blessed silence. A comment from a respected Lady. Interaction with another Lady last night. ([smirks] Regardless of the fact that both Ladies are not interested in a romantic relationship with me, I still enjoy their company) Those things make me a happy man. Now, I'll have to get to the part where I'll make money, support myself, set up the fund/business for my mercenary little sister's college education and all those other stuff so I can be happier. There's this thing about finding Her, but I can only believe that for as long as I engage in a pro-active search while doing my best to live, I'll be able to find Her. Things aren't really looking that well since the execution of my decision may be delayed significantly thanks to Murphy's Law. [shrugs] C'est la vie. I've Freedom & Destiny & the Samurai. I'm alive & I'm not giving up on anything about my self. I've got my close friends and they're there when I've great need. I've got my twin. I'm me.

Energy allocation

Fact: I'm using a lot of energy just to keep my Anger Sublimation Engine working to the point that I've precious little left over for my other mental functions.

Argh.

A whole lot of...

| | | | | |

[shrugs] Well, it's a good thing that I'm such a perfectionist. If I weren't, I'd have rushed to my favorite Rehabilitation Center, gung-ho on starting the process to become one of their Therapists. As it is, I've called up to check and they said that they're not looking for people to fill up their ranks. I'll have to look at this some more because:

This isn't the first time that those same people have evoked the Wizard's Rules.
With this particular group of people, the Third Rule is even more important because they're colleagues.

Time and careful objective observation will tell if my initial assessment of them holds true. ~~~I'm still playing Super Robot Wars Original Generations 2. I'm kinda stuck in an "earn money & XP" stage since I'm upgrading a lot of the robots. I love the characters and robots, specially since there're kits of the Alt Eisen and Valsione. It'd be nice if there'll be Figma or Revoltech action figures of the ladies (e.g. Lamia, Mai, Latooni & Seolla) since I'll be able to expand the female side of my collection. ~~~Anger Management and Sublimation rules the Scene. It's necessary because I've goals. They're kinda far at the moment, but I'm not giving up on my self and my dreams.

Appreciation from an unlikely source

That's the little collectible from HotWheels that my patient gave me. I was surprised and pleased that I got it. I don't recall telling him that I like Batman, so the joy of receiving it was substantially increased. It's nice to know that I'm appreciated.

Wrestling with the Wizard's Rules

1723H 11/03/08 (GMT +0800H)

~~~
A/N: I don't own the universe/concepts/ideas or any part of the universe that Terry Goodkind created. I'm only citing them because the philosophy presented by Mr. Goodkind is, in my opinion, true & simple.
~~~

Weeks separate me from implementing a critical decision. While I spend whatever resource I have in preparation for the execution of my plan, I also duel with the Wizard's Rules.

Against every decision that leads to the climax, I contrast it with the First Rule. Is my perception tainted by my prejudices? Is my assessment skewed because of irrational fears? Currently, I've yet to determine if I'm violating it as I assess my work environment and one of my adopted sister's reaction. Am I too insecure & filled with low self-esteem, thus skewing my appreciation towards the negative?

The Third Rule runs through each act, for each act I make is fueled by anger, anger borne from unjust actions and words towards my person. I've need to be rational, else all I've done & gained will be for naught. Yet, I've need of the burning anger, for righteous anger is the one that moves me onward out of the cage I'm currently in. That I act towards my freedom makes me think: Am I reaching for another set of chains with this endeavor or am I working towards the state I'm meant to be in?

Acts directed towards me are measured against the Fifth Rule, after I've assessed said act with the First Rule. More often than not, the data indicates that the decision I intend to make is the right one, provided I haven't been violating the First Rule all along. [tilts head to the right] Sure, the decision I'll make will require hardships in my part. Whichever choice I make, I'll have to face hardships. It's just a question of what option will yield the best results. But, if the best results will be obtained in exchange for a continuation of the downward spiral I'm doing my best to reverse, consequences be damned. I've seen a glimpse of the phantoms that I'll fight in a continued dive and they're most horrible to behold.

Onwards, then.

Everything and nothing

18:08 10/13/08(GMT +0800) ~START~

[exhales through the mouth & smirks] Up 'til now, every day at the Rehabilitation Department is like a stroll through a mine field. There are days when the mine field is from the Dark Ages and there are days when the mine field is right out of the Vietnam & Kosovo wars. It sucks that I've only got an empathy emulator instead of the real thing.

Hot dang. Add the fact that certain aspects of my life have escalated to critical levels & I've got a good amount of balls to juggle. [smirks in thought] Come to think of it, I'm a very bad juggler. I'm better at dancing, even if it's just a bit. I guess I'll treat each relevant aspect as a dance partner instead. I can keep a better track of stuff that way. Each part of the dance will require that I only give attention to a particular partner (i.e. aspect) but the whole of the dance will allow me to tend to every part, as time & resources permit. My Mentat Engine should be able to handle the strain. After all, nothing worthwhile is ever easy.

Yes, I'm using vague terms to describe some parts of my life so as to avoid trouble.

~~~

I've always loved swings. The feeling of flight, even for a limited time, is something I enjoy. Spending time on a sturdy swing set is the BEST way to unwind for me. I can let the songs go through my head. I can "fly" through my concerns, knowing that even as reality constrains my efforts, my mind is competent enough to create solutions towards my goals.

I just spent time on a sturdy swing set. I flew. I remembered how it was to be me & how important it is that I keep on becoming the person I want to be. Sure, I'm afraid of heights. [smiles] But the fear just makes the experience of flight sweeter. The fact that my closest friends also enjoy spending time on swings is another thing that makes me smile.

~~~

[sighs] Well, I've been closing a lot of doors lately. I closed the door on H****. I closed the door on J*****.

Of course, just closing the door won't work so I'm making sure Freedom & Destiny keeps those doors closed. It might be futile & useless since I don't think either Lady would want to open the door, but I'd rather be safe.

~~~

The Samurai is still chugging along. Argh. My pride & joy isn't up to spec because I've been slacking off. Then again, repressing & sublimating all the rage I have takes a lot out of me, leaving me with precious little energy to refine my memory palace.

At any rate, my improvement program is proceeding, albeit at a slower pace. The rehabilitation department I'm in is letting me use some of the equipment, so I've been able to start the exercise regimen for my shoulders' internal & external rotators. I'm practicing with my recorder almost every night, playing "A time for us" & "Somewhere out there". I visit the Samurai almost every day, just to check stuff & put up structures.

While my life can certainly be better or worse at the moment, I can say that ... Well, I can say that my life is, that I'm living it the best way that I can, given the circumstances I'm in. Not many people my age can say that, I guess.

18:59 10/13/08(GMT +0800) ~END~

Mixed thoughts and what-not

1822H 09/08/08 (GMT +0800) ~START~

Hokay, stewing in potent hate for the better part of the oath-taking ceremony wasn't a sensible decision, if only because it drained me. Nonetheless, all the hatred I had & have are, at least, clearly pointed, meaning all the hatred I feel have concrete targets, which means that I can sublimate all that energy into productive stuff. [tilts head to the right in consideration] Of course, I could always indulge in a destructive rampage should the need arise, but cleaning up after such a blatant display of nihilistic rage would be too troublesome so I'll most likely avoid such a course of action. That's why there are PC games for the times when I need to vent. Should I have need to more than I can expend in a PC game, there are always used tires that I can hit with my sticks.

I'll start making the diagrams for Freedom & Destiny, my twinned spatha. I like the fact that the spatha is basically a blade with a handle means I don't have to know any of the fancy moves that require elaborate crossguards. Of course, I'd have to know of them so I can avoid or counter said moves.

I'm fixated on the PC game of Temple of Elemental Evil. I wasn't able to finish playing, nor was I even able to get to half of it, when the game was installed in the communal PC. After playing around with pen & paper/Notepad, I've decided to ditch my favored sorcerer/paladin build since it wouldn't have worked in a party. Besides, my charismatic side is pretty much based on my logic circuits. So, I ditched it in favor of a fighter/evoker (evokers are wizards specialized in evocation, who forego knowledge of two other schools of magic to gain the ability to cast one more evocation spell). Truth be told, the way my party in Temple of Elemental Evil is made up, I've two PCs (Player Character) that are personal avatars. Both are dual-wielders and both have ranged attacks (one uses magic while the other uses a bow). Come to think of it, that I've changed my preferred build may mean that I've somehow come to a turning point. Maybe I've come to accept the part of me that goes with my internal sense of Justice, instead of being bound to other's expectations of what's right & wrong, even if the expectation is detrimental to my growth. As of now, I'm waiting for the resources to become available, resources that will allow me to play said game.

Thanks to my brother, I was able to obtain songs of Smokey Mountain, a teen group created by Ryan Cayabyab back in the early to mid nineties. "Kahit habang buhay" is a sweet love song, albeit stupid. [smirks in amusement] Come on, unrequited love is such a painful, nigh-pointless gig that I wonder why some indulge in it. What do you get out of loving someone who doesn't love you back? If your love is not reciprocated, then it means your values are incongruous or incompatible with the one you love, which means something is bound to happen that will end the relationship, one that grew out of those differing values. I'll always be attracted to a junior of mine (who got her PT license ahead of me). She's hot because her curves are at the right places & at the right proportions, even if she's shorter than what I need. Her eyes speak of intelligence & a depth of person that I know I'll enjoy being with. Alas [strikes a theatrical pose of dismay], something just doesn't go "click" in her whenever I'm around, so I guess that means I'll have to content myself with being able to look at her, knowing that it won't go further than that. Eye-candy is eye-candy, no point in not looking at something pleasant, even if I can't possess said eye-candy.

I'm waiting for Macross Frontier to finish so the free fan subs can be acquired. I can't buy it since I don't have cash & buying it would be pointless, even if I did have cash, because I don't fully understand Nihonggo. I love "Lion" & "Northern Cross", gotta love those upbeat songs. There's also the second season of Gundam 00, which will feature some somewhat absurd Gundam designs [points at the Cherubim Gundam, "Why the hell are you on tip-toes?"] but I'll watch because of their eye-candy tactical forecaster & because I think Setsuna will keep on using a dual-wielding attack pattern, which will be educational.

I'm still having headaches, though they haven't reached a level 5 for at least a week now (10 being the most painful). I'm getting level 1s everyday, so I'm adapting to it. Kinda hate the possibility that my increased utility of my brain is the reason for the pain, but [shrugs], the options are win or die. Not thinking will lead to a pointless extinction, punctuating a useless existence.

Thunder's been audible & we've had a short shower earlier. If I'm lucky, it'll be raining when I dance outside, which will be in a few minutes. I love the rain & how it cools everything down, nourishing as it cascades from the heavens. Maybe that's the reason why I just adapt to the inconveniences caused by precipitation, instead of vehemently complaining about it. Knee-high rubber boots will be a priority acquisition come employment.

Rock and roll

1118H 08/30/08 (GMT +0800) ~START~

As of now, I'm sleepy more often than before & I've been like this for 13 or so days already. Upbeat songs help keep me awake, though said songs don't work all the time. The only things I remember changing are my cinnamon consumption (I've been using it daily in my coffee in an effort to stay awake) & my arnis routine (I've stopped having a nearly daily dose since I've been unable to meet up with the local kids I've been teaching). I've restarted doing my dance just this morning & I'll keep off the coffee starting tomorrow. Right now, I'm slowly finishing off a 750mL bottle of Mountain Dew, a drink renowned for its caffeine content.

The drowsiness makes thinking so much harder. It's a lot worse than going without my glasses. Going without my glasses inside a mall for an hour made me feel blind. The only thing that brings me to full alertness whenever I'm drowsy is anger. Unfortunately, the anger burns me out, thus making me drowsier in the end. Being drowsy is like knowing you can be but being denied the ability to be. It's so frustrating to be drowsy [smirks in annoyance]. I've made a lot of spelling & grammatical errors I'd usually not make. At the very least, I'm no longer having idiopathic headaches.

My memory palace is still in relative disarray, though its CIC is nearly totally solid since I've been using it a lot during the past few days. Of course, nothing beats pen & paper when it comes to remembering things. If it wasn't written down, it doesn't exist. Most unfortunately, the Veritech hangar lacks the Veritechs it's supposed to house. That's no less than 24 mnemonic touchpoints & I haven't included the cranes, lorries & ammo racks in the equation. Though [shrugs], the Samurai itself is still basically empty so I've little rational reasons for complaints or rants.

Come Monday, I'll perform an extended search for additional probable places of employment while I obtain a document & tickets for the oath-taking ceremony from the PRC while I have photocopies made of other important documents. Afterwards, I'll return to a preferred probable place of employment because I've (stupidly) forgotten to obtain the phone number of the place, something I can't obtain through the 'Net since that hospital doesn't have a functional web page. At least [tilts head to the right in thought], I haven't found a functional website for said hospital. I'll see if my charm can work its usual magic on people when I go out this Monday. The fine thing about said charm/charisma is that it plays well with my Mentat Engine.

[sighs in resignation] Well, I've currently no options for a probable Lady. Right now, I'm listening to Princessa's "I won't forget you", Utada Hikaru's "Moving on without you" & Simply Red's "Stars". Tis frustrating that I'm twenty & six years of age & I've yet to find Her. If my worst fears come to pass, I'll die of a cerebral hemorrhage by my fourth decade because I've maxed out my mental capabilities. Of course [tilts head to the right], I could start eating a healthier diet to ameliorate the extant vascular damage. Will that be enough?

Come Wednesday, I'll be going through a series of hoops in my quest for gainful employment of my license's profession. [smirks in irony & amusement] "Here, kitty, kitty. Jump through the flaming hoops to please the crowd & earn your dinner."

By the end of the week, if my luck holds true, I'll have a copy of "Mr. God, this is Anna" by Fynn. That my first copy of it was lost by a (now former) friend was a tad annoying. That no visible effort to replace such an important book was made by said former friend is irksome.

Since I'm more inclined to write, I've written e-mails to friends. It's a tad disappointing that I haven't received replies to some, though such an outcome was one of the probable scenarios (since I can't expect every friend of mine to want to reply through e-mail). It's been approximately 9 weeks since I sent them mail. Some have replied while some have kept quiet, which was expected. What does the silence mean? Am I really & truly alone? Are the only stalwart friends I have the ones I've put inside my memory palace, friends who're extensions of my person, friends that are not separate entities from my soul? I hope that my future place of employment will provide the friends I seek. I'm lonely, almost terribly so.

I've been tinkering with Magenta. I've mounted my hopelessly crippled Freedom Gundam's waist on it so it'll have integral weaponry in the form of a pair of rail guns that serve as sheaths for a pair of beam sabers. I was annoyed that Magenta's only weapons outside of its striker packs are a pair of armor schneiders. Come on, my personal mobile suit only has a pair of piddling knives? After an hour or so of looking at Magenta wearing a waist unit not its own, I decided that the transplanted waist created an aesthetically unpleasant mobile suit. In my opinion, my mobile suit has to be dangerous AND pretty. At any rate, I'm considering the acquisition of the kits that have the IWSP, Sword & Launcher packs, which means I'll be buying two extra kits just to get those three packs. Magenta is Adaptive. It can't perform that function if it only has the Aile Striker pack, can it? The fact that I've got a relatively big armory because I've other 1/100 scale kits is a salve to the spirit of the disciple of General George C. Patton.

Wizard's Ninth Rule

NOTE: I do NOT own the copyrighted characters or licensed materials. Standard disclaimers apply.

What is, is.

~~~Location: Inside the Samurai - Heavily modified Pellaeon-class Imperial Star Destroyer, currently traversing Infinity

~~~Dramatis Personae:

Bridge Crew:

Commanding Officer : My self
Executive Officer : Hannibal Lecter, MD
Weapons Officer : Teletha Testarossa
Launch Officer : Lisa Hayes
Tactics Officer : Lacus Clyne

CIC (Combat Information Center)

CO: [sighs as I plunk down on the command seat] Nothing new, is there?

XO: Event "Third Impact": Coruscant has come to pass, Captain.

CO: So it has [slumps in weary relief]. That's one less thing to stress about. That one went out with a whimper of a bang. [smirks in annoyance] That one was almost a waste of time, wasn't it?

XO: If not for the lesson learned & the reinforcement of a previous lesson about avoiding specific entities, it would've been a disappointing waste.

CO: Anything else?

TO: The Quest's current Target is a "non-responsive", Taichou.

CO: [nods in acknowledgment] Let's hold our current status. At the moment, we've got a lot of time to burn & rushing or forcing the issue is moot. The target's reaction, or lack of it, will state what subsequent action is most apt.

TO: The Mentat Engine predicts that the Quest's Target will maintain status quo.

XO: [snorts in a dignified manner] Just goes to show that when pushed, some people raise their defenses out of fear of the unknown.

CO: We're not exactly better, sometimes, are we [makes a sidelong glance towards the good doctor]?

XO: We make occasional & scheduled calculated risks towards the unknown to make substantial gains. That's hardly what I can call raising our defenses when pushed.

WO: That's because we go in with our defenses ALREADY raised, Lecter-sensei.

CO: Touché, Doctor.

XO: The safety of this ship is paramount. We're responsible for lives beyond ours, sir.

CO: [looks to the stars at the main screen, pondering] So we are, so we are.

LO: [taps her screens] Your personal mobile suit is about to arrive, sir.

CO: My Strike Rouge's coming? [grins as if Christmas came early]

XO: [snorts, again in a dignified manner] Your predilection towards pink is appalling. I'm still wondering why I agreed to serve in a PINK warship.

LO: The Samurai is privately owned & if the owner, who also happens to be the commanding officer, wants it pink, then it'll be pink. The Veritech squadrons & mobile suit squads have no complaints about launching from a pink warship. [taps keys to bring out a form] Of course, Flight Officer Koiso Ryoko continues to submit daily protests on the Samurai's color scheme, which this bridge humors.

CO: [grins cheekily] We've yet to slap her down with a punishment for insubordination, haven't we? How about we let it get around that her complaints will earn her a HOT PINK veritech as her personal ride?

LO: [smirks in amusement] Noted, sir. I'll pass it on to Major Miriya Sterling.

CO: Doctor? The Samurai's not pink. It's painted in old rose.

WO: You already have a name for your personal mobile suit, don't you?

CO: MAGENTA is what she'll be named, as is her OS.

TO: We'll begin installing the necessary software ASAP so you can coordinate your actions within MAGENTA with the Samurai's operations [taps her schematics].

XO: Why would you want to go out in a personal mobile suit when you're safer & more powerful inside the Samurai?

CO: For the rush, Doctor, what else? Besides, having a wild card in a game has the ability to swing the odds to our favor. The opposition doesn't have to know we've got ANOTHER mobile suit that we can throw against it, does it [grins evilly]? Since MAGENTA can go out using any of the Striker packs, we can throw any surprises we need, yes? Also, I'll personally be able to access two POVs nigh-simultenously, from up-close with the mobile units & from afar through my link with the Samurai. I can always dock with the Samurai if there's need.

TO: We'll have to time your launch so we'll get the most out of the maneuver.

LO: Any of the egress ports & launch catapults will meet MAGENTA's needs.

WO: I've already set up MAGENTA's upgrade from battery-powered to nuclear-driven.

XO: To maximize our gain from your use of MAGENTA, I'd suggest we leave no survivors in any encounter whenever you launch, Captain.

CO: [nods] True. We can't have news leaking out that we've a wild card. That'll be the SOP unless there are circumstances that supersede it. [taps chin with right index & middle fingers] We'll leave a survivor if we need someone to spread terror or if we're going to capture & turn the survivor/s.

0846H 08/27/08 (GMT +0800)

TO: Taichou [taps various holograms], sensors indicate that the Quest's current Target has reacted. Bringing it up on the main screen.

XO: The reaction is significantly delayed. It's also remarkably erratic.

CO: [steeples fingers as I sit on the command chair] The reaction is still within the predictions of the Mentat Engine, though. Weaps, Tac-O, speak up.

WO: We've executed the appropriate counter within seconds of intercept.

TO: Target has reacted with a very short burst of information & has yet to react to our succeeding counter-volley.

LO: Attack MS squad Officer Sagara requests that his unit be allowed to sortie & attack, request approved by Squad Commander Pendragon.

CO: [leans forward on chair, squints in thought, left fingers tap armrest it's on & right hand cups chin] Yes, we could go on the offensive on this one. Unfortunately, the Target's reactions are almost always delayed & we've already spent a reasonable amount of time on it. I say we remove it from our sights, pull anchor & put it out of our minds. [shrugs] Seems we'll have to look again.

XO: Setting the Samurai on a course away from the current Target as I speak.

TO: Setting the Quest's sensors to passive acquisition mode as I speak.

WO: My sympathies, Taichou.

XO: At least we didn't get another Third Impact. That would've been unacceptable.

CO: True, that. Lacus, what's next on our list?

TO: [taps holograms] We've an appointment with a probable source of usable Credits.

LO: Attack MS squad will launch minus the units equipped with the Aile & Launcher packs. Defense MS squad will be on standby, with the remaining units from the Attack squad.

WO: Tannhäuser cannons ready for use, Taichou. We've got 50% output & its good for [taps screens] at least seven volleys. Scottie says he can give you an additional three if you can buy him 15 minutes. He'll use the time to replace the parts we'll vaporize with the last & seventh volley.

CO: Very well [nods]. All hands, stand down until 1100H. We'll use the time to recalibrate & recuperate. Those who wish to run drills or play in the simulators are allowed to do so but will rest at 1000H. Our battle standard will arrive on 09/07/08 & will be usable a day after. We'll begin our recon for Credits on that same day. Doctor Lecter & Ms. Clyne will acquire whatever information that'll be useful for our recon. Ladies Hayes & Testarossa will perform simulations for those recon runs & will pass on the approved plans to the concerned mobile units.

Thoughts, introspective and otherwise

1932H 2/27/2008 (Lima, GMT + 0800)

[tilts head to the left & frowns in thought] Before we slept last Saturday, my sister (& by consequence, I) wondered what particular characteristic of mine made my ex-girlfriends act as if "the sky is falling" when I decided to dissolve the relationship I've had with them.

My 1st ex baited me back with sex and perverted me didn't have what it takes to resist her first (successful) attempt [shudders in self-disgust]. Thank the spirits that I've developed the moral fortitude to stick with my decision to part ways with her so I could stop being an amoral pervert.

My 2nd & current ex used a flood of SMS & calls of varying content. The most disagreeable of her SMS & calls intended to induce guilt. The first was a reminder that she was a nurse intern rotated to the Emergency & Operating Rooms, thus making her responsible for lives. With that in mind, she asked how could I even think of making the depressing decision to break up with her that will affect her performance. The last SMS that I've had to stomach spoke of how my decision to break up with her caused her health to deteriorate and asked how could I endure the knowledge that I'm inflicting emotional pain on her.

[pouts lips and strokes chin with right thumb & index finger] My sister & I agree that my physical appearance doesn't even approach "fetching". Out of all my qualities, my compassion & kindness are most probably the qualities that (according to our assessment) caught the aforementioned women's hearts. Even then, experience & (fictional & otherwise) literature do not describe compassion & kindness as the traits that win a woman's heart. [shrugs] Go figure.

~~~ I'm reviewing some songs by Earth Wind & Fire that I've retrieved from a disc. Some of their songs mellow me. On a similar vein, Toto has a nice repertoire of songs. Tis a crappy thing that I can't go to their upcoming concert here.

~~~ I've just recovered from a mild bout of flu. I'm thankful that my immune system was able to quickly subdue whatever it was that I was having.

Film review

"Voices of a distant star" by Makoto Shinkai premiered in our home early this week. The mecha design was just a bit above average (the score was tipped because of the originality of the design) and the art wasn't superb.

Mind you, this animé is less than -THIRTY MINUTES- long but it generated intense feelings of empathy & longing I've only felt from watching ... Come to think of it, no live or animated video comes to mind. Neon Genesis Evangelion (Shin Seiki Evangelion) is the only animé that has evoked emotions that has the same magnitude but the nature of emotions drawn from me are different. The live adaptation of Great Teacher Onizuka had selected "feel good" episodes. ...

Anyhow, I've digressed. The dedication, loyalty & unwavering desire of the boy who became a man to the girl he loved is exemplary. The longing the boy & girl felt for each other was nigh palpable. The kaleidoscope of emotions & thoughts that the girl has in her mind as she fights for her world while simultaneously doing her best to maintain her connection with the boy she left behind invoked similar feelings because I see myself as a warrior whose heart belongs to the Lady of his dreams, as the girl is in this film.

The origin of this video is heartwarming, stemming from the romance of Makoto Shinkai and his wife.

It was so sweet, I'd have wept if I were watching it by my self. *tilts head to the right* Come to think of it, I'll watch it again, this time with my sister so I can cry.

Dancing my way