Perspective

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As one grows into the person he or she is meant to be, a person eventually develops his or her own unique perspective. A perspective determines how a person would probably act given a set of circumstances. How so? A person's peculiar perception dictates what he or she would give importance to or notice. Perception doesn't mean that an object is seen for what it is; it means that a person filters the information presented according to his or her experiences. The filter's holes differ in size and shape; a particular hole may come from an influential person or idea; a hole may exist from the beginning or disappear as time passes by.

 A perspective makes one selectively blind to a certain extent. A racist would refuse to see the benefits from a mixed-race group. A vegetarian wouldn't see how a vegetarian diet is unable to fully provide the nutrition required by the human body. An elitist wouldn't acknowledge the value of those who're of a lower economic class. Various philosophies would emphasize particular perspectives, yet not all of those philosophies would require a holistic approach to perception.

 Perspective, being unique to each person, thus produces subtly different results. A 10 year-old mathematical genius, confronted by a problem requiring the Pythagorean theorem for a solution, would see a commonplace event. A fourth-grade student, faced by the same situation, would marvel at the way the Pythagorean theorem works and, perhaps, be stimulated to learn more. The problem requiring the Pythagorean theorem has been solved, yet the results are different.

 The point stands; perspective colors, influences the results. To produce the most efficacious decision and action, a person must perceive using objective observation. A blank slate, a mind free of preconceived ideas, observes best because it takes everything in without bias. This does not mean that previous experience is discounted. Previous experience is educational; it helps avoid pointless repetition of mistakes. However, immediately filtering information at the get-go denies a person potentially useful information. Utilizing previous experience AFTER taking everything in allows a person to see the big picture, how this present situation connects to the past and future. Much is gained or lost depending on what is perceived.

 There is, however, a down-side to an all-perceiving approach. Such a method consumes much time and energy and there is no guarantee that each result would be less or more effective than a method that filters out data. Experience would be the only reliable judge of when not to use the filters granted by your unique perspective. That one's experience would more often than not contain mistakes than triumphs, if only by a small fraction, is a given. All in all, how a person uses his or her resources and how he or she judges the event, as dictated by a unique perspective, are the clinchers.

Steps, but not the band

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 Bad news first. The amalgam 1/100 model kit made up of Freedom and Strike Rouge parts suffered minor damage to its ankle armor. While I could repair the damage, the damage has given me cause to put aside the kit for later attention. The "later attention" would consist of refitting of the joints, painting of the surfaces and general overhaul. Things have to move forward in the pertinent fields if sufficient and efficient change is to happen; which is why I've to set aside some things.

 As for the pertinent fields, I had to weather a particularly annoying slowdown as I re-introduced a maintenance program. The slowdown was anticipated [tilts head to the right] but it was nonetheless annoying because it DID slow me down. The maintenance program is required if I'm to regularly access the state I need for optimal performance. There's also Freedom and Destiny to consider, because if left ignored, forward progress will be unsatisfactorily limited. Justice has to wait because there's just no object that can satisfactorily emulate its character.[shrugs] That's the 6th Rule for you.

 Tomorrow, or later today, it's going to be a series of quests for the establishment of Phase One. Phase One has to be firmly founded so the subsequent steps can be taken. Yes, that's another situation where the 6th Rule comes into play.

Rules, news and plans

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 It's always fascinating whenever one of the Rules are invoked. This time, it's the 5th Rule. While it's true that there are perhaps other reasons why that particular cluster of people have started acting that way, whenever I've used Ockham's Razor, the simplest one that comes up is that they've chosen to cut ties. Why else would a person disconnect whenever he/she is sent an instant message? That it has happened a lot of times already simply underscores the fact that I've need to go all out on imposing Machiavellian perspective towards those I do not trust. Truly, the situation begs the question why they cut ties. As I've done nothing to them, perhaps it's something I haven't done. That they refuse to reply implies that they'd rather I stay away instead of trying to mend those bonds that connected us.

 While I'm not the most likable person (even though I've been called gregarious, kind and compassionate), I am, in my opinion, staunchly loyal to those who've earned my respect. That I've failed to engender such loyalty except from my closest friends begs the question: What have I done wrong? [tilts head to the left in thought] Mayhaps the answer lies in the people who left, not within.

=-=~=-=

 The first wave of actions to make my dreams reality have been performed. There's the follow-up and monitoring to do, [shrugs] but that's part of it all. Right now, I've realized that the only way I'll make those dreams real is if I act to bring about a particular set of possibilities. All the others would needlessly delay the accomplishment of my goals while I pay a price I've no care to pay. This campaign has gone longer than it should because I've missed a detail (or two).

 I'll have to make sure that everything within my purview is going as I planned. Anything less from me significantly raises the probability of failure. The prime difficulty would be maintaining the system that can bring these goals to fruition. As I'm naturally easy-going by nature and that heightened state of ability is akin to a berserker mode, I'd have need of other tools, tools that may reveal the extent of my plans. [waves right hand dismissively] The plan involves legal actions but they are cutthroat so those acts will be questioned by those ignorant of my situation and the needs that come with it.

 Well, I do think that nothing worthwhile is ever easy. The whole shebang depends on guts, determination and peerless dedication; Talga vassternich.

 [peruses the words] Well, the last set of paragraphs nicely included the plans portion with the news, so I'll leave it at that. I'll be making earrings in a little while since my visiting aunt has said she wants one of the samples I've made. I'll take a picture of it when I'm done. ^_^

Another shot of whimsy

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Yes, I'm having a sort of a cam-whore season. But since I'm not photogenic, I took pictures of my kids.

That one has Galahad (the RX-78 v1.5), the Strike Freedom, Sousuke (Zaku v2.0), Master Asia's Gundam and Kathryn (figma Kanu Uncho) inside the display cabinet.

This one has one of my Rockman units (the better ones that Bandai made for a short while), Alexiel (Revoltech Saber) and the 00 Gundam.

The following are shots of MAGENTA in a standard mobile suit.

Storm's aftermath

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The fist of the Heavens struck down our country's National Capital Region, perhaps for no reason besides bad luck.

 Truly, men and women of every age and status lost something or someone they treasured the past three days. Some stand to lose time as they struggle to remake what was undone. Mementos, persons most precious and achievements were drowned, some to be recovered while others were lost to the deluge.

 After some thought, I wondered: "Perhaps, during all the sadness that the tempest has caused, my enemies have been similarly struck by misfortune..." While the thought gives me some comfort, the harm inflicted by Nature had nothing to do with me. Sure, schadenfreude comes into the show but it just doesn't make me satisfied. Though a perverse happiness for others' misfortune is a human trait (not that it applies to those who lost people; at least, it doesn't apply to me), I just can't make myself feel happy for the misfortune they suffered (if my enemies were hit by Ondoy). What would have made me happy was vengeance that I've delivered. The destruction wrought by Ondoy lacked finesse and involved a lot of innocents (innocent in the sense that they've done me no wrong).

 As it is, I'm most thankful that what I own hasn't been destroyed. After running some simulations, I've figured that the room I've rented wouldn't have been reached by the floods; which simply means that the speculation that the reason I've failed was so that I'd be out of danger doesn't hold water.

 Our family's ... I guess the closest term would be "serf" even if they don't owe us anything except gratitude and goodwill. Anyhow, our family's serfs suffered flooded homes and one's tricycle was submerged. Our parents have decided to route whatever help we'd have given to what was ours, since his livelihood's rise was one that we supported and praised.

 As it stands, I still have to find and establish my means. At the least, our House hasn't suffered from the storm's wrath. For that, I am most thankful to my Liege.


P.S.
 Since I can't find a place to chuck this in, I'm putting this picture of my bookshelf/display cabinet here.

Whimsy

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 It's sad that I'm letting some of my skills stagnate because of circumstances.

 At any rate, here are pictures of some of the dangling earrings I've made. Maybe seeing them will fan the dying flames of inspiration, yes?

 For those who care to ask, that model kit of a mobile suit is a modified amalgam of the 1/100 Bandai Master Grade Strike Rouge and Freedom Gundam. I'm going to paint it with an apt pink color scheme when I get the necessary skills and painting materials.

Vow

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 There are some things that just get under my skin. Yes, I'm using the phrase in a negative manner.

 One of them, the one that just sticks, is the aggravating unprofessional actions against me. That I've had the bad luck to have had such co-workers and superiors galls me to no end. It's a given that genetics makes everybody different, that a person will have a different gift from another. What's so hard to accept about that? I'm physically unattractive, so I was lucky enough to get some brains. Look at it again, children of Envy, I wrote "SOME". It means that I'm lacking in certain aspects, things that you won't notice because the only thing that held your attention is that I have something you don't and I must be punished for that. It matters little if your acts were born out of the pathetic resemblance you have of humanity. What matters is the result, and it resulted in my means to achieve my goals being broken. Those means were hard-won. Regaining them, if at all possible, will require the same effort, the same circumstances and the same amount of blood and tears. Were it possible, I would destroy you and yours for payment. Were it possible, I would send you to Hell, cursing your thrice-damned self for harming me without just cause.

 "Strength without hatred" is an ideal. It is an ideal that supports Justice, for Justice laced with Hatred emits a noxious aura, coating the gained Justice with the most nauseating aroma. That such strength can become real, makes it an ideal worth aiming for. At this point of my life, reaching that ideal isn't possible. There's too much of me that was broken and tossed aside as trash by apathetic hominids intent only in causing pain. I was powerless to fend off such harm, yet I had what was needed to survive such malice. Was I lucky to have such? Yes. Yet, the question comes forth. If I had what I needed to survive, why are my tools for righteous vengeance denied me? After reflection, that they are held out of my reach is reasonable, else true vengeance would be a farce because the tools of righteous punishment must be earned.

 The question comes forth: What makes me, with my hunger for vengeance, different from those that have harmed me? Perhaps the fact that I was minding my own dreams when I was ambushed by their malice? Perhaps the fact that I was the one they victimized? Perhaps the fact that I did nothing against them and theirs, that I said nothing against them and theirs, yet I received unjustified harm from them? Perhaps the fact that were it not for their malice, my goals would have been several steps closer to fruition.

 To answer the question, of what makes me different from them, I was the one attacked and my response, my vengeance, to their aggression will depend on the circumstances presented to me.

 I will earn the means for my vengeance, even if that is only to look down upon them from the lofty post I will reach. Will I still yearn to ground them into dust? Perhaps I will, if only to prevent them from acting maliciously and from spawning more of their twisted ilk.

 This I swear: "Vengeance without mercy!"

Loot, i haz it!

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 It's the start of the 2nd week of work for this employee. Why I do look forward to it? There's knowledge to be gained. There are theories to be practiced.

Besides, I just got books. BOOKS!

I got a copy of J. D. Robb's Divided in death (in hardcover) and Purity in death. Yeah, they were a tad battered. BUT I got them for a low price. Besides [smiles], the moment those books are stored in my memory palace, just like all the other books I've read, their current condition won't mean anything. Add the fact that they'll have Eve and Roarke and the whole cast moving about and I'm set.^_^

 I also got a resource book. I'm not telling what it is, since it would be most disadvantageous for me if anyone outside my close circle of friends were to learn of its contents. Suffice to say [grins and runs teeth along the edge of my upper incisors], the successful integration of said information will grant me nigh unlimited access to that which i want.

 Yep, I also resisted the urge to acquire toys and I'm proud of that small achievement. Retail-therapy rocks!!! Why? Because my acquisitions (if they are well-planned) are empowering.

They relieve stress while adding to my resources. [punches the air]

 Sing, Freedom. Dance, Destiny.

 ~~~

 On a lighter note, I have the animé series K-On!, the Nanoha series and Eureka Seven to look forward to. Acquisition will start ASAP.

Rak en rol!

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1432H 05/28/09 (HOTEL, GMT +0800)

 The First Rule is the First for a specific reason. That I've been violating it out of plain laziness is most deplorable. Of course, there's the fact that I need to take it easy at this particular phase of my operations [shrugs]. I've indulged at various stages to keep me suitably unstressed during pertinent times. Life, as I see it, requires actions based on rhythm. Of course [pouts in thought], actually acting in a rhythmic fashion is another thing altogether and requires consistent practice. I've had to suppress my natural exuberance. I've been successful in doing that, 80% of the time. There's my curiosity, which helps increase my knowledge base, which has to be used sparingly or selectively during classes. [shrugs] Not that it's a limitation that I find galling since I more often than not rely on reading materials. However, knowledge from people tend to differ slightly from those obtained from books. [sighs] Well, nothing worthwhile is ever easy anyhow [shrugs] so complaining only allows me to vent, which may not be productive since the negative energy can be sublimated. Continuing on that vein about aspects of my person, I also have to contain my latent competitiveness. Sure [smirks], I'm not that competitive but the extant requirements of my long-term goals means that I have to distinguish myself through exceptional performance. Most unfortunately, the First Rule comes into play. There are also the Fifth and Tenth Rules to consider as I interpret the actions and reactions around me [exhales in resignation]. 2223H 5/29/09 (HOTEL, GMT +0800) I flunked an exercise (the score of which will be known the next work day) because I was lazy and impatient. Yes, i was also over-confident. Yes, i was feeling invincible without just cause. It's only the second week as a trainee/employee of Network Solutions, so there are still opportunities, both for gain and loss. That I've been lazy has been a continual pain in the posterior. I FUBARd a plan today just because I was feeling lazy. Sure, I know that being industrious saves a lot of time, but I think that being conscientious while accessing my Mentat Engine as I do a task is better. "Minimal effort for maximum gain" is the process I prefer. [sighs] Well, I just have to focus on my goals so I don't fumble any more plans. Being focused eats up more of my mental resources but it's a choice between tiring myself out or being frustrated. Lazy me would've picked the frustration just because it's easier. Most unfortunately, the easier path also contains lesser goodies and lesser pleasures. On a lighter note, I've discovered the opening themes of Eureka Seven, an animé by BONES. Days by FLOW and Sakura by NIRGILIS are my faves, just like how Nana Mizuki's Innocent Starter and Massive Wonders got me hooked onto the Nanoha series. Sure, there's a pop feel to Sakura, though the beat is the thing that really snagged me. Methinks I have to learn how to quantify those BPMs so I can better relay my assessment of a song. Yeah, if the robot damashii of the Nirvash by Bandai is sufficiently large, I might purchase it. As of now, the collectibles on my list are the figma action figures of Signum and Miku Hatsune by Max Factory. I'll see if i can get my hands on Atelier-Sai's action figures of the Full Metal Panic girls. Yes, I'm on a girl collection binge that started with figma's Kanu Uncho that I've christened Kathryn. There are also the kits of the mecha I want (I've reconsidered getting the 1/100 MG Infinite Justice) but I'm hopeful that Bandai's bigwigs approve the remodeling of the 08TH MS team's mobile suits. I mean, how hard is it to remake the molds of the RX-78 version 2 into the RX-79G and RX-79 Ez8? They've already done a version 2 of the Gouf and it's just a matter of making small modifications to produce Norris Packard's custom Gouf. Are they lazy or are they milking the populace slowly? I almost forgot Konami's MMS. I want to get Siren Eukrante of the Busou Shinki line. Why? Because her hair's pink and her design reminds me of the Wing Zero Custom (Bandai, when will you re-make your MG kit of that MS? For that matter, when will you make MG kits of the Endless Waltz Gundams?). [shrugs] Well, I've yet to find a forum or board or e-mail address that will let me share my views to those of Bandai, so I'm making do with what I have. The list goes on. I'm getting me some non-black pens and some books, if i see some tomorrow. I'll be looking for a new place to lodge since the place I'm currently in has termites (it's a wooden house) and is a veritable oven during some times of the year (something that i had to endure last week). There's also the next Transformers movie to look forward to. ^_^ Talga Vassternich. What I do as reality unfolds becomes my Life. Oh yeah, if Anemone of Eureka Seven (along with Eureka) ever comes out as an action figure, I'll snap it up ASAP.

Star-gazing

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=~=~=~=Location: Inside the Samurai - Heavily modified Pellaeon-class Imperial Star Destroyer, currently traversing Infinity

~==~==~Dramatis Personae:

Bridge Crew:

Commanding Officer : My self
Executive Officer : Hannibal Lecter, MD
Weapons Officer : Teletha Testarossa
Launch Officer : Lisa Hayes
Tactics Officer : Lacus Clyne

CIC (Combat Information Center)

LO: [taps screens] There we have it. We're expecting definite supplies by mid-June and another, a probable, tomorrow.

CO: Lisa, you don't have to hide that frown. I know that my decision to put the Samurai on the edge, right between Life and Death is grating on your nerves.

TO: I'm of two minds here, Taichou. The Samurai's capabilities are beyond question and I can easily see that such a course of action isn't suicidal. However, we've need to consider the station supplying us and the ships that we're going to interact with.

XO: That we've just re-established a source of supply is a relief. That the source is tenuously connected, as are those that we've just contacted, is something to seriously consider.

AI: As of now, the tender ship Ciel's crew is of mixed opinions. Some of her people are awed and approving of the Samurai's capabilities. Of course there are some that are put-off by some of our crew's hyper-active personalities.

WO: [sighs] Anna, you do tend to unsettle others with your precocious and lively nature

CO: Well, there's joie de vivre for you. For an AI, she captures the essence of the character she's based on. [shrugs] Besides, the Samurai's crew loves her. That's the only thing worth considering.

XO: That you're adding more females to our crew leads to more people being enamored with Anna. [waves with his left hand to produce a hologram of diagrams and lists] We've got Nanoha Takamichi, Fate T. Harlaown and Yagami Hayate arriving the moment their posts and responsibilities are finalized. [smiles in gentle praise while reaching down to carry ANNA] You're a cute devilishly endearing munchkin, are you not?

AI: [smiles back] And that's why you love me, right, Uncle?

CO: [smiles] That she totally loves you for who you are just makes you warm, doesn't it? [settles into my chair and gazes out with steel and resolution] If the Ciel's crew doesn't like Anna then they don't. We do have to cooperate with the Ciel so we'll keep Anna away from them. It would limit our exposure but the possibility of surprising others to gain the upper hand during critical moments has risen exponentially.

LO: And are we going to do as you plan with our resources, Captain [raises an eyebrow with disapproval shining from her brown eyes]?

CO: Yes, we will [waits for Ms. Hayes' eyes to glare in annoyance]. [smirks teasingly] But since you've objected to it since I've voiced it, I'll modify it to accommodate your proposed fail-safe programs.

WO: [smiles in reproval] You shouldn't tease her so, Taichou. Her concern for the Samurai is well-placed. At any rate, we're still considering the addition of the Fairlions and their pilots, Sheryl Nome, Ranka Lee and Latooni Subota. I've uninstalled MAGENTA from the Strike Rouge's frame and moved her into a portable interface so we can easily transfer the OS from one mobile suit to another.

CO: Then, it's settled. We're good to go. [pats Anna's left hand that she placed on my right shoulder] We'll keep you hidden, little angel. Doctor Lecter, please continue to assist Ms. Hayes with the Ciel and the second tender ship until we sortie. Tessa, continue drilling our troops and pass on recommendations for those who'd be great additions to the Samurai's roster. Lacus, coordinate with Tessa and produce the battle plans that we'll be needing.

Upheavals and recovery

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=~=~=~=Location: Inside the Samurai - Heavily modified Pellaeon-class Imperial Star Destroyer, currently traversing Infinity

~==~==~Dramatis Personae:

Bridge Crew:

Commanding Officer : My self

Executive Officer : Hannibal Lecter, MD

Weapons Officer : Teletha Testarossa

Launch Officer : Lisa Hayes

Tactics Officer : Lacus Clyne

  CIC (Combat Information Center)

CO: [peruses the clipboard held at the left hand] You've seen the changes in the Roster, Ms. Hayes?

LO: [taps the holograms in front of her] Command of the Attack mobile suit squad has been handed to newly-commissioned Liutenant Drizzt Do'urden as per your orders and will sortie in the modified 00 Gundam christened "Dawnbringer" and it's supporting mobile armor 0 raiser will be slaved to the 00 Gundam's controls.

TO: Lady Pendragon has been removed from the post?

XO: Our captain has decided that since Ms. Pendragon has no mobile suit that will fully complement her capabilities, it would be best if we were to replace her with someone who has a mobile suit that does.

CO: [shrugs] Besides, she's a competent swordswoman. She's still one of ours. She'll be using the available time teaching weapon-based martial arts to those who're interested of those who're in the units that use melee weapons.

LO: There's also the fact that we've had to severe our relations with our pecuniary supplier [pecks at the holograms in irritation]. They're the stupidest bunch of morons that I've ever met [fumes]! They knew that the Samurai brings more than its fair share of kills but they still thought badly of it because we do better than they did. Now, we're almost dead in the water thanks to those envious Neanderthals! 

TO: [taps at her own holograms] Such an event has placed the Samurai at dangerous levels of dependency. We've need to find another pecuniary source within the week if we hope to continue as we are. Putting most of our crew into stasis chambers has helped but we can't do that for long.

WO: [plays with her braid while she picks through her own displays] We can maintain our functional status for another week before we have to put 80% of the Samurai's systems into hibernation. [frowns in concentration] We do expect some resources in the form of the severance package from them, but Lecter-sensei advised that it would be wise not to depend on such.

CO: [looks on at bemused contemplation] Truth be told, if it weren't excessive, I'd have pointed our positron cannons at those dirt-bags. One less problem for the universe to handle, is what I think.

 XO: [puts a hand over my left shoulder] We're capable and others recognize our ability. We've much to face, but we've our resources to meet adversity. [looks toward the stars outside the Samurai] Talga vassternich, was it not, Captain?

CO: [exhales in quiet determination] Yes, those were the words that I've chosen to live by.

Running, strolling, ambulating...

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 I don't exactly recall, but I think I was en-route to have my cell-phone repaired when I passed by the hospital housing the Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation department I was associated with. The thing about that department is that one side of it faces the highway. Shuttered windows embedded in concrete walls greeted my eyes as the bus I rode on passed by.

 Memory supplied me with the "what-could-be"; the patients, my senior colleagues, the equipment used for treatment and the treatment cubicles.

 Imagination rained questions upon me: What happened to the patients I treated? Who're the staff taking care of those patients? Have my patients' physical and emotional conditions improved?

 Tears clamored to spring from my eyes. Tears caused by the enforced separation from the profession that brings me in contact with all the colors of Life roar for expression as I write this.

 Part of my mind is impatience given form. I want all that I desire, NOW. I want to earn my keep. I want to practice my profession. I want to teach about my profession. I want money to purchase the items I desire but not need.

 That I cannot be at the place my heart yearns for saddens me greatly. True, some of my colleagues are people I'd rather neutralize than keep. Logic dictates that they be considered only during threat assessment because I am at the Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation department because I love doing my job there as a Physical Therapist. Even as those hominids playacting as licensed therapists annoy me with their pretentiousness and arrogance, my love for my calling makes me stay when I would've left.

 So, I continue upon this path I chose.

 In freedom, I act as I see fit, constrained only by resources and not by the whim or will of others.

 Towards destiny, I keep my eyes upon my goals, even as tears blur my sight, because it is this journey that defines me as I realize my dreams.

 At times, I will falter.

 At times, I will weep in despair.

 Always will I keep those dearest to me close and cherished.

 Always will I wield Freedom and Destiny as I chart the course of the Samurai in the endlessness of Infinity.

Menagerie of thoughts

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A lot has happened. [shrugs] Then again, that's a given with almost everybody that's alive. Sure, there are those that go around and try to ruin other people's lives and then go around claiming that they're living. Talk about walking contradictions [shakes heads]. I've got a co-worker that tried to nail me when I used a Nihonggo suffix in a work area to address our supervisor while she's the one that (almost always) uses the vernacular (or pidgin English, which is way worse in my opinion) whenever she's not on the phone talking. I've got at least two superiors who think that their rank is clout and reason enough to look down on me, act idiotically and STILL demand my respect [shakes head]. C'est la vie. That I've other superiors that act (almost always) rationally takes the edge out of the annoyances that I've to deal with. Add the fact that I enjoy interacting with the people I serve for AT&T and I can (and do say) that I've a great deal to be thankful for.

~~~

 Yes, I'm still working for AT&T to earn my daily bread and all that. I'm almost squared away, debt-wise. I still have to restart my volunteer gig at the Rehabilitation Center that I'm associated with because of all the monetary juggling I have to do since I'm fending for myself with nobody else to rely on (except dear close friends who're able to give succor once in a while or when circumstances permit). Daily nutrition, expendable dry goods, laundry, rent, necessities and the random item for upkeep that pops up are what composes the things I MUST spend on. No, I haven't included the model kits and action figures that I want to buy and those are the items I've put in the back burner because of my lifestyle change. The only good thing about it is that they're at least ON an EXISTING list, unlike ... Well [shrugs], unlike before.

~~~

So, I'm pissed at the Yamato toy company because the 1/60 action figure of the VF-1S Valkyrie developed cracks at BOTH of the Battloid/Guardian's thighs (that's for left and right lower extremities). I could probably say that it was caused by cheap plastic or that the action figure was actually smuggled or bootleg and not mind -IF- I didn't pay seven grand for that item. Their American website says that: "Please note before contacting Yamato USA that Yamato's Macross items are only available in Japan. We at Yamato USA, as well as Yamato itself, are unable to sell or service any Macross items sold outside of Japan. We thank you for your understanding." That, ladies and gentlemen, simply means I -WASTED- no less than seven grand on plastic [shakes head in aggravation]. I guess I'll avoid purchasing Yamato products just because they're so expensive for my budget. I've put the 1/100MG Infinite Justice Gundam model kit on my list, among other things and that should keep me busy. I'm also considering getting one of the Duel Maids. I'll definitely get my hands on Max Factory's figma action figure of Miku Hatsune because she's so darned cute [smiles and giggles].

~~~

I've changed portions of the Mobile Unit Roster in the Samurai. I've decided to expand the Defense Mobile Unit and have included the Sazabi, Heavy Arms Custom and Shiranui Akatsuki Mobile Suits as command/specialist units. I've replaced the Strike Gundams in the Attack Mobile Unit with Impulse Gundams because it retains the adaptability of the Strike Gundams (change the Silhouette pack and you can have the Mobile Suit do something different) AND obtains the ability to replace Suit parts in the middle of combat. As I've yet to finalize the choice of what will be the grunt Mobile Unit of the Defense Mobile Unit, I'm sticking with the MS-14S Gelgoog. There's also the question of what Valkyrie class I'll use as the components of my Variable Fighter Squadrons but I can deal with that by putting up the stored mental images of the VF-1S in a seperate hangar while I delay on the decision. I've included Kathryn Odoriko in the Samurai's Personnel and I think I'll put her in the Defense Mobile Unit. And just because it's so damned striking, I'm putting Kitano Seiichirou of Angel Densetsu in charge of the Samurai's extensive Medical and Surgical bay [grins].

Working for AT&T, Infirmity, Iron Will and Niten

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Overall, working for AT&T is rewarding for the following reasons: a. The pay is great. b. I get to meet interesting people. c. I get to meet hominids who test my patience, temper and general good-nature, thus giving me the necessary stimuli for personal growth. d. I learn something new almost everyday. Of course, work being what it is, there are times that the boredom makes me want to sleep. There is also the standard friction with people who're supposed to know how to manage people who only end up mismanaging me [smirks in irritation], but I'm learning how to deal with those imbeciles. No, I won't name them here or anywhere to avoid libel suits and trouble. Suffice to say that said entities exist and are tolerated because I can't neutralize them. The fact that I have superiors who know how to properly handle me makes work bearable and almost always enjoyable.

 ~~=~~

 Yes, working for AT&T requires extensive use of my Central Nervous System, both upper extremities and my upper respiratory tract (particularly my pharnyx/throat). My brain (which houses my mind) is up to the tasks of troubleshooting and it's being upgraded regularly with new information and subroutines (i.e. semi-automated thought processes to speed up the analysis of mundane problems). The components of my upper extremities are relatively up to the task, though my left upper extremity could use an upgrade in its dexterity [shrugs]. Goes to show that I've good need for further exercise of my left hand and forearm muscles. What thoroughly galls me is the relative weakness of my throat. It gives out after two days of use in the service of the paycheque that I earn from AT&T. Sure, I'm used to speaking and all that and this really shouldn't be a hindrance in performing my responsibilities at work. However, undue strain to my speech organs will ultimately degrade my speech capabilities. I'm going to find a way to improve the endurance of my speech organs. My livelihood depends on it.

 ~~=~~

Hokay, I'm encountering obstacles to my goals and some are caused by pecuniary limitations while some are brought by physical infirmity. There really isn't much to do for or against those obstacles except to climb over, circle around or (whenever possible) simply obliterate it. As of the moment, obliteration isn't feasible and ignoring the obstacles caused by my body will only cause more problems in the long run. I've chosen this path because this open up doors that I want open. This path burns the bridges connected to the House I was raised in. This path is the one -I- chose, not the path chosen for me. The fact that I chose this course of action makes it singular. Here and now, my actions alone determine what will or will not happen, [tilts head to the right in contemplation] for the most part anyway. There are the independent and dependent variables that are out of my purview but that's part of the game [smirks in amusement]. I've always been stubborn and I've displayed this trait in positive and negative ways. I'll bring my stubbornness front and center whenever these obstacles pop up so I won't fail because of inaction. I bring out Freedom and Destiny and wield them without mercy. The Samurai won't hold back and I'll be pushing the construction of its parts and components whenever possible. I'll forgo some of my needs until I've the needed resources, physical and monetary. Til then, those activities will have to be reduced or set aside for later dates.

Unwanted iteration of sickness

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I'm 27 years of age and that means a lot of things. The thing that annoys me the most about being at this stage of life, at being grown up, is that being sick means lost opportunities and lost resources.

Back when I was a teen, getting sick didn't mean much unless I was sick during examinations. There was one time that I had to stop taking an exam back in second year high-school because I've overloaded my brain and body by absorbing the basic information about the animal kingdom's classification system (phylum, division, etcetera, right down to the genus and specie and the representatives of each class/group) all in one night. The overload caused the room to spin and a lot of other things. The consequence was that I was sent to the clinic. I don't recall what I had to do to complete the exam, so I think it wasn't such a significant event.

Nowadays, whenever I get sick, I have to skip work if the condition is something that will worsen if I push myself. Of course, the absence is only because I have to get well or else I'll incur more absences because of the worsened condition I would have earned because of my innate stubbornness. Add the fact that I also have to spend for my medical certificate to the fact that my pay is reduced because of my absence and I'm pretty greatly aggravated by the pecuniary loss AND the black marks on my attendance.

Did I want to get sick? Heck, no! No work equals no pay and no pay means I'm going to have lesser or no resources to expend. Of course, the fact that my body heals relatively faster than most means my absences because of sickness are shorter when they occur. Add the fact that I'm in the medical field and that means I sometimes have access to free or discounted medicine.

[shrugs] Well, what is, is. That's the Sixth Rule for you.

~~~

No good news, over all. But there are no bad news either. I've the run-of-the-mill occurrences of Murphy's Law and I'm grateful that I'm weathering those incidents with considerable panache. That I've to deal with judgment borne of ignorance is something that infuriates me. That I'm most likely going to endure this unnecessary aggravation from quasi-sapient Neanderthals is something that I'll rail against, even if Murphy's Law states that I won't be able to totally shield myself from such pointless skirmishes with those cretins. That I can only break away from the idiocy spawned by those illogical morons by the slow steady rise of my career annoys me to no end.

I swear, the moment I can safely neutralize those annoying pointless obstacles, I will do so.

My body dances to the song of my soul

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 Yes, there is fear.

 [raises right eyebrow in thought] As it is, I welcome the fear.

Why? Because the fear brings that adrenaline rush that is only brought about by having my life threatened with extinction. I know it's a tad stupid to keep on asking for situations that would bring about life-threatening scenarios, but I've nothing else that can bring about that heart-pounding exhilaration inherent in bringing to fore all that I am in a battle eloquently summarized by "Win or Die". True, I've yet to engage myself in actual combat where everything is at stake and the perfect harmonious integration of my mind and body at their respective peaks is the only key to success. True, tis sad that the only closest thing to that which I yearn for is something that only happens if I happen to be unreasonably stupid or Murphy's Law has decided to pay a most unusual amount of attention on me. Yes, I'm a polymath dual-spatha-wielding dancing physical therapist with dreams, hopes and goals that some would laugh at, cringe away from or just plain gape at. That means I would like to excel in treating patients in the field of physical therapy, in wielding two bladed weapons in a dance of death that most would think as pointless (if not downright inane) and in maximizing my mastery of the skills that I find relevant. Being who I am means that I've needs and wants that only my close friends would be able to accept and comprehend. Being who I am means that I'm just dissatisfied if things are boring or downright stupid. As a segue, you [points towards the subject of my ire] don't know who you are and you'll most likely die not knowing that you're an incompetent, diety-forsaken, insecure, ameobic, devolved, anthropomorphic slimeball masquerading as one of my immediate superiors. That you're afraid that your incompetence will be exposed makes you act in ways that underscore your abominable inability to capably perform your duties and you do this by making your subordinates feel inferior whenever you swing your title and rank to enforce your perverse perspectives. That you use your rank to stomp down on my perspectives instead of giving me rational data by which I can make my own decisions sickens me. I'd neutralize you if doing so weren't a flagrant waste of my stretched resources. [takes a deep breath] Now, [peruses the previous paragraph and smiles] I've let all that negativity out. I can continue my thoughts. I've found a translation of the haunting, soulful rendition of the song Doll, as sung by Lia. That the song is for the animé Gunslinger Girl Il Teatrino, which is based on Yu Aida's heart-wrenching manga Gunslinger Girl, just makes the song more special. Yes, the series (both the animé and manga) in itself is morose, but I am endeared to the characters that endeavor to live fully in spite of the limitations imposed upon them by circumstances. Angelica's death is tragic yet pivotal because it emphasized the cyborgs' mortality. Triela's and Hilshire's choices about their relationship as fratello bring to mind several of my own experiences. I find the simplicity of Rico's approach to life too ... [pouts in thought] unbalanced but the fact that she didn't have a functional body to begin with makes the rationale behind her decision apt. I love songs. I love dancing. I love being me and there are also times that I mourn over my mistakes. That darkness exists as a contrast to light, that Life is pointless without Death, that there is the past, present and tomorrow in each and every one of us, makes living a responsibility like no other.

Disease and the Peter Principle

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Lemme see ... [ticks off fingers] I was absent twice because of diarrhea caused by normal food and I've had to absent my fat ass today because of preventive maintenance (if my allergic rhinitis worsens, it becomes a cough. If the cough worsens, it becomes an asthma attack).

To my credit, I went to work the day before while I had the sneezing fits and running nose caused by my allergies. Unfortunately, that little quest ended in a worsening of my allergies, which required that I had to absent myself. What does that mean? It simply means that getting promoted will be a bit harder since promotion requires spotless attendance sheets. [shrugs] I'd rather appear human and vulnerable so as to avoid invoking the Peter Principle. I also had to endure well-meant scolding from my adopted sisters (my twin and older doctor sister), but I guess they scold because they care. At least, they don't lay it on thick [smirks in amusement].

Interlude

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TIRING!!!

I've been at my job for five hours straight and I know that's somehow illegal but since I'm in the customer service biz, the fact that there are patrons to serve means that I'll keep on earning pecuniary resources (if Murphy's Law doesn't strike hard and all). Being dependent on a job has, like everything else, its benefits and risks but I'd rather be getting passive income [shrugs]. Well [shrugs in resignation], those are the breaks until I've those assets online.

Pay is here and with it comes expenses to be paid. I'll be getting another jacket, folding stool, mosquito screens and a storage device for my MP3s. There's the rent, the daily expenditures and peripherals that have to be dealt with but that comes with depending on just your own self for physical sustenance. For emotional nutrition, the right type of friends are necessary. Fulfillment comes from being able to act in your chosen profession, a reality that will come soon since my calculations show I'll be able to go back to my volunteer gig in the Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation Department that I'm associated with this week. Of course, there're the people who're against my existence that I've to contend with, who may get in the way of my plans and all, but that's already a given. It's almost always a question of just how much they'll interfere; it's not a question of IF, but a question of WHEN. INTJ that I am, I try to predict the WHEN to minimize the damage they'll inflict.

Progression, plans from new information and trends to follow

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Knowledge is power.

Information is ammunition (or energy packs/cells, capacitors and powerplants if you're using energy-based weaponry).

That said, I've been able to gain useful information about the probable courses or paths to promotion that are open to me.

The most important thing about the promotion gig is the projected timeslot or timetable. Will I still be able to perform volunteer work at the Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation Department that I'm attached to should I get promoted to the spot that I'm aiming for? So far, the information that I'm getting explicitly states that the Team Lead & Operation Support positions come with SHIFTING schedules that change every week. Initially, that's a big obstacle, since if the schedule shifts every week, the only constant will be my days off and the time I can spend doing 4 hour shifts in the hospital will be highly debatable and theoretical. How can I progress my career as a Physical Therapist if I don't get to do at least 24 hours a week of volunteer work in a Rehab department?

So, the only plausible option is to look at the other departments in the place that I'm working in. I could also try to negotiate for a range of acceptable schedules that they can impose on me, which will allow me to do those projected 4 hour shifts. Of course, I could also look for another place to work for but I'm kinda content with the locale and the other logistics variables that this place of work imposes on me. [shrugs] Of course, being content shouldn't be an obstacle towards growth; so the moment a viable option presents itself, I'll assess and decide accordingly. [smirks in amusement] That's the fun thing in having a memory palace and being an INTJ; the world is an open playground, limited only by resources and imagination.

[smirks] Let's see how things turn out. I'm getting better at my job. I'm getting the equipment that I need for a better quality of life which will let me study my Physical Therapy stuff in comfort. I'm moving forward. ^_^

Standard warnings and statements apply to allies, neutrals and enemies.

That which pulls down

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Disappointments. Nightmares.

Fears.

There are a lot to see and hear as one walks onwards to one's goals but the fact remains that one must contend with these along the way.

==~==

Here, I write of disappointment.

Sometimes, goals are denied. Denial of those goals birth disappointment. It matters little if one is disappointed prior to the execution of the plans for the goal or in the middle of a complex operation meant for your success or at the bitter end of the prolonged battle at war's end. The results are the same; you were NOT meant to earn that which you desire and are thus required to accept the reality presented to you, the reality of having to live on without the goal you've given yourself to. My body is 27 years of age this year and I've experienced disappointment in a lot of forms, received it from various sources and I can foresee myself seeing, hearing, breathing, touching and living those disappointments. That I cannot see if I will triumph over those that will overwhelm my defenses make me terrified & excited at the same time. I fear such a terrible possibility for my destruction is an event that can be easily made to happen. My blood pounds in excited anticipation, for something that can destroy me is a worthy foe and I've yet to find one that has tested my body & mind and driven me to surpass my limits. Yes, disappointment is educational. Disappointment teaches what are the extant limits to any given task and surpassing the said limits to achieve more is a goal worth achieving if possible. If such a goal is impossible, it simply means that you've need to find other goals that you can achieve with the abilities that you have. As with Life and its effects, how you deal with disappointment makes the Life you have and will experience. True destiny is earned, not given.

==~==

Here, I will write of nightmares. My subconscious ,for reasons unknown, chooses to provide me with nightmares. Yes, I did have a dream that wasn't a nightmare BUT that dream came after approximately 14 years of nightmares (I can recall most of the dreams I had since I was 8 years old). That they're almost always gruesome, involves pursuit, characterized by a sense of impending doom and downright unpleasant makes me wonder as to how I get these nightmares in the first place when I do what I can to have a pleasant perspective on life. Of course, the ones who know me can contest that since they know just how evil I can get. I was scared and disturbed when I had a nightmare of the murder of members of the House I ran away from. That they were murdered in that nightmare while I did nothing was most disturbing because I wouldn't endorse the assassination of any member of the House I was raised, though I wouldn't mind purely accidental deaths of some of those members. I am sorely bothered by that nightmare because I have memories of events wherein my inaction has led to misfortune. That those murders were sins by omission strike deep and true. Is my subconscious telling me that my inaction will once again hurt those I hold dear? I know not, so I will act according to what reason dictates.

 ==~==

 Fears point out that humans are vulnerable to the smallest or biggest of threats. Fears underscore the fact that we've needs to be fulfilled, that humans must earn what they need or die. I am afraid that I'll fail. I am afraid that I'll die as a failure by my standards. I'm afraid of the many things that can cause me to fail. I'm afraid that I'll be the cause of my failure. Thankfully, I'm rational. Thankfully, I'm guided and empowered by the Wizard's Rules. Thankfully, I'm armored by the Litany against Fear. I wield Freedom and Destiny, dancing my way to the song of my mind.